What Is Body Language?

Have you heard of the word Body English?

I remember one basketball game when the sportscaster said, "Air Jordan used a little Body English to coax that ball into the hoop, as he released the free throw". He meant that the player moved his hips sideways, as if using mind control, so that the ball will go through the basket.

Body English is just one of the myriad of examples of body language that we do and apply to our lives every now and then, consciously or unconsciously.

Body language is the unspoken or non-verbal mode of communication that we do in every single aspect of our interaction with another person.

It is like a mirror that tells us what the other person thinks and feels in response to our words or actions. Body language involves gestures, mannerisms, and other bodily signs.

Would you believe that in real life situations, 60% to 80% of the messages that we convey to other people are transmitted through body language and the actual verbal communication accounts for only 7% to 10%?

Our ability to use body language in a positive way and to read other people's minds through their body language separates the men from the boys (or women from girls), and can be a powerful tool to our overall personality development. Imagine creating a great impression for work, business, and love by being knowledgeable in this not-so-common yet powerful field of study. It is the unspoken tool to a successful life.

So read on and find out how you can read and utilize body language - the most used yet most misunderstood secret language in the world.

Body language is the unspoken or non-verbal mode of communication that we do in every single aspect of our interaction with another person.

It is like a mirror that tells us what the other person thinks and feels in response to our words or actions. Body language involves gestures, mannerisms, and other bodily signs.

Have you heard of the word Body English? I remembered one basketball game when the sportscaster said, "Air Jordan used a little Body English to coax that ball into the hoop, as he released the free throw. He meant that the player moved his hips sideways, as if using mind control, so that the ball will go through the basket.

Body English is just one of the myriad of examples of body language that we do and apply to our lives every now and then, consciously or unconsciously.

So: What is Body Language?

Would you believe that in real life situations, 60% to 80% of the messages that we convey to other people are transmitted through body language and the actual verbal communication accounts for only 7% to 10%?

Our ability to use body language in a positive way and to read other people's minds through their body language separates the men from the boys (or women from girls), and can be a powerful tool to our overall personality development. Imagine creating a great impression for work, business, and love by being knowledgeable in this not-so-common yet powerful field of study. It is the unspoken tool to a successful life.

So read on and find out how you can read and utilize body language and what is body language - the most used yet most misunderstood secret language in the world.

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To Trust or not to Trust !

Trust is something we learn as very small babies. We trust the first person that we bond with and it grows from there. Have you ever noticed how cool kids are? They trust every little thing we say. They rarely question us when we tell them something.

Believing our every word; and why not? They have not been exposed to mistrust yet, not that they would recognize it at such an early age.

Then they get older and come in contact with other children. This is when relationships begin., seperate from the familiar family relationships that they have grown to know as "normal". They begin to compare lifestyles with their friends and for some, this is when the first mistrust begins. They find out that it is not normal to be touched by people in their private parts. They find out that it is not normal to be beaten for doing something wrong. They find out that it is not normal to not be fed for a day or even two. They find that it is not normal to watch their dad hit their mom. They find lies, which gives birth to MISTRUST. Their lives turn an entire chapter at that point. They grow up somehow; suffering through the pain and loneliness of living with mistrust. For some they rise above it and use it as a learning tool. For others they become it; mistrusting everyone and everything. A small number of those people seek help and spend many hours and a great deal of energy trying to conquer it.

Then we have our jobs, we trust immediately anyone that has been there longer or that comes off as knowing more than us. We trust our bosses and our co-workers.

It is natural to trust as if we were babies all over again. With any new venture we yearn to trust.

When we first fall in love; What is that saying, "Love is Blind"? Ha! Now that's funny, because it really is blind. We trust so instantly and genuinely that we potentially set ourselves up for the biggest fall in our lives. Why is that? Is it because we are so driven by nature to want to trust someone? Or is trusting someone just a happier, easier, way of life.

Once a trust is breached, it creates a scar that has it's own heart and never goes away. We just learn to ignore its beat. We try to reorganize our minds and put it on the farthest burner we have. Some of us can do just that, while others cannot. For them life is not so easy. They find themselves thinking, should I trust or not? It's like they have to find proof and reason to trust, because their minds already mistrust. This is similar to the term "Guilty until proven innocent". For anyone out there that can relate to that, and I am sure there are many of you that do just that, life is hell.

If, lets say we love someone and they tell us one thing, and we keep getting mixed signals that stir up our mistrust thoughts, where do we go with that? Books tell us, that we are to trust the ones we love and that's it. And then, if our trust gets breached, and only then, can we be accurate with our mistrust. "Blah" I say! Oh and we're also told at the same time to trust our gut feelings. OK, I admit confusion here. I know this subject is really going to cut like a knife for some people and I will apologize now, but we have to deal with the reality of our lives. How else are we going to tackle our insecurities and get stronger. Our goal is to have a somewhat happy life. One that we can talk about to our grandchildren. We have to open our eyes and know what is going on in our wolds. If your relationship has had a breach of trust or if you have experienced mistrust earlier in your lives, then you already have a reason to feel insecure. Now that you know that, you can start to build up on that. Now you need to identify the exact core of it and toss it. Its old news and its over.

Start a whole new life as if being born again (for lack of a better phrase). I hear you already saying, "Easier said than done". I totally agree, but how many times have I said, "Anything worth having , does not come easy"? The answer is MANY. Life is not easy. We have to earned all our happiness. I have noticed, and I am guilty of this myself, that we are waiting for our lives to be happy. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about happiness and if I have realized anything at all, its that happiness is in you and your thinking and how you deal with every little thing. To Trust or not to Trust is in our control. If we choose not to trust, we open the door to all sorts of evil demons, such as jealousy, low self-esteem, anxiety, envy, selfishness, self-torture, worry, loneliness and just plain unhappiness. So when we feel that , "Trust or not trust" debate lurking in our minds, choose to not allow your mind to go that direction. Tell yourself, that you are an intelligent person and you know what is right and what is wrong right now. It'is now that you are living, not then, or the past. We are very good at deciding what we want to eat, right? Or where we want to vacation and spend tons of our hard earned money. So then why is it so hard for us to just change our train of thought? Let me tell you..HABITS!

Bad habits, and for any of you that have read my HABITS blog, then you know what I mean. So go back and read it again and again. I believe that if one really wants to change something, it CAN be changed. "Let your thoughts determine your goals and your goals determine your destiny" (something like that). We are all destined to be happy. We just have to focus on our goals.

Feeling mistrust definitely has been caused by something in our lives. We may never figure it out and some of us have already figured their reasons out. But for whatever the reason, it is a negative emotion and one we can surely do without. Work on it, then work on more trust and more love. When we can trust, love comes naturally and that always invites happiness. So there you have it! I have given you the steps; it is your responsibility to you to climb them. Again I have shared my thoughts with all of you. I would love to hear your thoughts, on anything I have shared with you here.

I take responsibility for my life.
I have the power to make things better.
I always have a choice.

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What to Do When People Don't Like You

Have you been trying hard to make friends with no good results to show for all of your efforts?

If it seems that you have been trying hard to make friends, but that other people still don want to be your friend, you may have come to the conclusion that there something wrong with you. That maybe you are basically unlikeable.

Many of us go through such torment of self doubt, especially during our teenage years, when teens are often the victims of vicious bullying from their peers for no reason at all.

If you feel as if the people you are trying to befriend don like you, the first thing you must do is to ask yourself: Do you have any real evidence that others don like you?

Or are you just imagining the worst because you are always very harsh with yourself?

People who have low self-esteem, or who are suffering from depression, are often convinced that others don like them, even when there is no evidence for their negative belief. People who have a poor self image can be surrounded by others who like them, care about them, and enjoy their company; yet because these people don believe they are worthy of being liked, they are convinced that no one else likes them either.

So, if you are feeling as if nobody likes you, try to find out if there is some real evidence that others don like you, or whether you are just being very negative in your opinion of yourself.

On the other hand, there are times when it not just your imagination that others don like you. It might be really true that most of the people you meet are consistently rejecting you, even when you make social overtures and try to be as friendly to them as possible.

There are many reasons this can happen.

You may have moved to a society where the people are very tight knit with each other, and they don open up to newcomers easily.

You might be surrounded by people who automatically dislike people of your particular religion, ethnic background, sexual orientation, skin color, or bodily appearance.

You may be surrounded by people who reject you because the clothes you wear are not the latest and most expensive fashion.

In high school years in particular, many teens are strongly conformist, and can be very cruel to those who seem to be different from the norm. Sadly, some people never grow out of the stage of judging others for trivial and superficial reasons.

If you are really are being rejected by others, it is important that you don make the situation worse by attacking yourself.

This will only make you feel worse, and will make you lose confidence in approaching new people in the future.

Saying negative things to yourself could start you on a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-hatred. Or you might turn your anger outwards in a spirit of bitterness and revenge towards other people. This is not a solution that will win you friends or peace of mind.

It also important to take a good, hard look at yourself and the way that you interact with other people. There may be specific behaviors that are causing others to dislike you, and these are behaviors which you can change.

Ask yourself the questions on this checklist. If it looks as if any of these behaviors are a problem for you, it very likely that if you change this behavior, that other people will like you better.

1. Are you always very negative and complaining all the time? Most people find this habit very annoying.

2. Do you actively participate in conversations with others? Or do you hold back and let other people do all the work in making conversation. If so, learn to improve your conversational skills so that talking with you is an experience that others look forward to.

3. Do you endlessly talk about yourself and show little interest in the people you are talking with? Other people will become bored with you very quickly if you seem only interested in yourself.

4. Do you try too hard to please others, always agreeing with everything that they say, and never having any opinions of your own? People won respect you if you don respect yourself.

5. Do you often say things that hurt the feelings of others and then say it was just a joke? Do you say mean things behind other people backs? No one will trust you if they think that you are basically an unkind person.

If you want to make other people your friends, it very important that you don give up on trying. Keep approaching people, keep trying to make conversation. Get rid of your bad social habits if they are getting in the way of friendship.

If you are being given the cold shoulder by many of the people you encounter, particularly in your school or workplace, keep looking elsewhere for people you can confide in and befriend. You can try in your church, in your community, and in your own family.

Work on developing the talents and good qualities within yourself so that you can appeal in a new way to other people with whom you will have more in common. Continue to actively search out other people who will like you and accept you.

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You Love Them Because They're Funny!

For years I heard woman after woman say after obviously falling in love, "He's so funny! I just love that about him."

Often after someone has lost a family member, they'll say "I'll always remember her smile, the way she laughed, the little jokes she would tell to lighten the mood."

Could it be we love people who have a great sense of humor? I've always thought so. And now we have scientific proof of what many of us long suspected. Humor is one of the things we enjoy most about life and, frequently, the people we love are the ones who make us smile.

Fortunately for those of us who probably aren't that funny, humor is most often in the eye of the beholder. The guys at work may not laugh at your wise cracks, but if SHE laughs, well that's all that matters.

For a long time, nobody in the scientific world knew much about humor. But during the past 20 years, more and more research has been done. We know what parts of our brains deal with humor. We also know when a baby starts to develop a sense of humor.

So don't hesitate. Let your funny bone show through!

* When you think something is funny, don't be afraid to let it out. Just think first if your remark might be taken the wrong way by those in earshot. Humor is great -- foot-in-mouth is less great.

* Use humor to ease uncomfortable situations. When the mood starts to get tense, an appropriate chuckle and humorous side remark can get everyone back on track.

* If you're not naturally funny, read cartoons, joke books, the laugh lines at the back of Reader's Digest, and pay attention to how script writers set up funny situations on TV. You CAN learn to be more humorous than you are. Pay attention to humor and your sense of humor will develop.

Above all else, be someone who APPRECIATES humor. Try not to make someone feel bad when you don't find their attempt at humor to be all that funny. As long as the humor isn't in grossly poor taste, give your humorist a smile. And be one who isn't afraid to chortle and guffaw when someone really pushes your funny button. A good laugh can be the best medicine you've had all day.

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Valentine Candle Gift Basket

Come Valentine Day and one can see chaos among lovers in selecting a gift for their partner. Valentine Candle Gift Basket can be one of your perfect gifts for your loving partner. With Valentine Candle Gift Basket you can easily communicate your love, emotion and care for your partner. The basket includes scented and non-scented candles, oil warmer, candle holder as well as non-candle products. Candles are one of the unique and pure gifts that you can give to your partner. With the help of Valentine Candle Gift Basket you can make your next valentine very special and memorable.

You may prefer your nearby Candle Gift Shop, but wait, this time why don't you purchase valentine candle gift basket online? Candle Gift Idea will surely enhance your valentine day. It is absolutely cheaper and has the quality of uniqueness. The gift basket varies as per your convenience and your budget. But the commodity that you get is absolutely designed for your satisfaction. You may have heard that candle is a symbol of truth and faith. So why don't you present candle gift basket to your dear ones?

Each Valentine Candle Gift Basket is designed uniquely so as to communicate your feelings. The candle's shape and categories also varies if you wish for. The valentine candle gift basket that you receive through the online services is one of the top collections and has an excellent fragrance quality with superb candles and holders. Each basket is wrapped nicely and carries a message that you want to communicate.

The candle when burn creates romantic and lovely atmosphere that one desires for. It is the best opportunity to pamper your partner with unique valentine candle gift basket and to light your future. The valentine candles, which are offered in gift basket is manufactured by reputed manufacture and have delicate and unique designs.

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Why Do People Lie?

Amanda and Ron had been married for six years and had two small children. I had counseled them during some difficult times in their marriage, but had not heard from them for a while. Then Amanda scheduled an emergency phone session with me. She was very upset.

 just found out that Ron been watching porno on the Internet and lying to me about it. I had thought this was going on a couple of weeks ago because of a site I found on the computer, but when I asked him about it, he denied it and explained it away. He is not too computer savvy ?he doesn know how to delete the sites - and today I found a number of sites he has visited. I can believe this! I very upset about the porno, but I devastated that he lied to me! I feel like the trust has gone out of our marriage, and without trust, what do we have? Why did he lie to me??
manda, how would you have responded if he had told you the truth??
 would have been really upset and disappointed in him. I probably would have gotten angry. We have a good sex life, so why is he using porno??
ell, he lied to you because he knew that this is the way you would have reacted. His lying is his way of controlling your reactions, and your anger is your way of controlling his behavior. As long as you get angry when you hear the truth, the chances are he will lie to you. As your children get older, they, too, will lie to you to avoid your anger and judgment. It takes a very strong person to tell the truth and deal with another anger and judgment, and Ron is not that strong. He is very afraid of your anger and judgment and will do anything to avoid it, including lying.?
re you saying it okay for him to lie to me??
o, I not saying it okay or not okay. I not making a value judgment about it. You asked why he lying and I telling you why. Lying is just another form of protection against pain, just as your anger is a form of protection against pain.?
o what do I do? How do I deal with this??
manda, you need to shift your intention from trying to control him to being open to learning about what is behind his behavior. From his point of view, there are some important reasons why he is using porno, and why he is lying about it. Trying to control him will only result in more lying and resistance, but wanting to learn can result in understanding and resolution. You need to approach him with caring and a desire to learn rather than with anger and judgment ?about both the porno and the lying. You would need to say something like, on, I know that you have been going to porno sites on the Internet. Please don lie about it anymore. I know there must be some good reasons you are doing this and I really want to understand what it about for you.?However, you have to be aware that the words themselves are less important than the intent behind them. If you say these same words with anger and judgment, he will be defensive. Don ask until you feel genuinely open and caring.?
Lying is always a form of control. Some people are pathological liars, having learned that they get a rush from manipulating others with lies. But most people lie when they are afraid of the consequences of telling the truth. Lying may be one end of a relationship system, with anger and judgment on the other end. Whether the relationship is a primary one between mates or between parents and children, or a relationship between friends or between co-workers, lying may be a part of it when fear of anger and judgment is an issue. Most people do not know how to handle another anger and judgment and may revert to being the child they were when they learned to lie to their parents to avoid punishment.

If you want to trust that people are not going to lie to you, then you need to shift your intention in your relationships from controlling to learning.

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Women! Get More Love By Giving Less.

Any woman can attract a better quality man or inspire the man she has to give her more love, affection and romance, by learning the truth about Overnurturing.

What is Overnurturing? It's doing too much in a relationship. Giving too much. It's the reverse of how a relationship works best for a woman.Giving is what men are supposed to do. Women are supposed to receive the love, affection and gifts that men give, and then give love and affection back to them. Though many of us have caught onto this, it challenging to stop doing what wee always done, what wee been told is the way to do things, and to fly in the face of the fallout we fear. So I going to tackle one little issue ?Nurturing.

Nurturing is masculine. If you want to get what he wants to give, stop nurturing your man.

Radical as this sounds, try it. Stop doing. Stop giving. Stop massaging your husband feelings. Stop helping your date do the relationship thing and let him flounder until he figures it out. He will.

This whole concept of nurturing is a dilemma for most of us. We think of mothering, nurturing, caring for our young as a feminine aspect of ourselves.

It isn.

Nurturing and caring for others may be a female trait ?Motherhood is female ?but it still about action! Nurturing is about doing. Giving. Your energy goes out of you and toward or into someone else. When you give, you are acting from a masculine energy place.

We are so accustomed to the idea of nurturing being feminine, we get confused. We think being loving to our men is nurturing them. Massaging their bodies, minds and spirits. There is nothing wrong with the idea of nurturing ?it the form our nurturing takes that causes so much difficulty. We are all composed of masculine and feminine (yin and yang) energies. We move through them fluidly at our best, and are stuck in one or the other at our worst.

But most of us are stuck at one extreme or the other. We either give too much all the time and then find ourselves resentful all the time, or we go the other way and make ourselves emotionally unavailable to our dates, our husbands, our boyfriends, and every man we meet.

Too often, our nurturing energies are perceived by men as mothering. Our actions seem intrusive. We seem to be judging them and finding them coming up short ?otherwise why would they need taking care of? On the other hand, they love attention. Don we all?

To strike some sort of balance when we are all so mightily out of balance, I asking you to pull back to zero. To at least imagine pulling back to zero. The baby steps you actually take may seem huge. When you stop doing for your man what he doesn need you to do, yet has grown accustomed to your doing, may resent your not doing, and will certainly find himself relieved that youe stopped doing, things may get messy before they get better. But they will get better.

This is all about Overfunctioning.

What does Overfunctioning and Overnurturing look like?

You come to the door the moment he gets home and ask him how his day went. You offer to massage his neck, his feet, his back because he looks so tired (even though youe just as tired.) Or you give your date directions to your house before he asks. And you invite him in and offer him something to eat or drink without even knowing what he has in mind for the evening. You offer to cook him a meal when he barely taken you out to a decent restaurant. You offer sex to your husband, without being asked, and even if youe not in the mood, because you figure you should. You ask him how he feels, and demonstrate concern for his feelings and moods.

This sounds nurturing, but it not. It mothering. Nurturing a grown-up is giving him what he wants, not what you think he needs. Nurturing a grown-up is not tolerating what you don want. Not tolerating him treating himself badly or carelessly if it damaging to you or his relationship with you ?this means smoking, eating badly, not working, never leaving the house.

And you do it not by telling him what he needs to do and helping him do it, but by telling him how angry it makes you feel when it happening. Or telling him how good it feels when he does something that makes you happy. Let him figure out how to take responsibility for making you and the relationship happy ?on his end of it.

This is feminine energy ?the expression of honest-to-goodness feelings. All the caretaking and fixing and doing and massaging and concern is masculine energy in action, and it will get you nowhere near what you want.

Try it the feminine way. Stop nurturing a grown-up man, and start expressing your feelings moment by moment. The first time is scary ?but then, youl see ?youl wonder how you ever loved any other way.

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