Abuse for many couples starts of very subtle and are taken for granted as the person having a bad day only to amplify to the point that it is difficult to get out of the abusive relationship.
See the signs
You may have see the signs but choose to ignore it hoping that with time things will change and the person will be more understanding because of the love they have for you.
Do you feel the other is right?
In many abusive relationships the person who is being abuse feels that the abuser is right because they have come to trust the other and give up their power to the abuser.
You may say to yourself that the other person cares for you and knowing that you would like the relationship to be how it was in the beginning because you felt the other person understood you and showed how much they cared for you.
Is the person controlling how much you eat?
Is the person in your life controlling how much you eat because they want you to be a certain weight?
Do you feel that they are right to control your weight otherwise you will forget and over eat because you do not have the ability to do so on your own?
Controlling where you go
If you find that your partner is controlling where you go, where, what, when and with whom, then you are giving up your power your identity to another.
You may feel if you do not check in that your partner will not love you or that others will be hurt on account of you is no way to live your life in fear.
Do you have difficulty stating your needs?
Do you have difficulty stating your need in the relationship for fear that you would be put down or not taken seriously if yes then there is a problem in your relationship.
Refuse to change
You may feel that the person that you once fell in love with will want to put you first and make the relationship work only to see this is not through and yet you hold out hoping that the person will come around.
You got married and you agreed for better or for worst and you decided to stick it out hoping the person will come around, you are seeing how it is affecting your children and how it has an effect on them because you grew up in an environment like this and you still refuse to change.
It takes courage
You may be afraid to make a move because you do not know where to go because you do not have money for you and your children.
Reaching out to neighbors can help, calling on government agencies and private shelters are here to help you get back on your feet.
This is the time for you to reach out for help, you are not a failure because you ask for help, it takes courage to face an abusive person and walk away for all that mind controlling that takes place.
Conclusion : When you are in an abusive relationship it is hard to see your way through it because of the mind control your abuser has on you yet it is not impossible to break the bond with courage and persistence.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tips Get My Ex Boyfriend Back - Make some changes
How to get my ex boyfriend back this instant advice is specifically geared towards helping women get their ex boyfriends back. If you are looking for ways to get your ex boyfriend back, Then be prepared to do and say the right things during and after a break up. Here are some of the tips that I wanted to share with you on how to get back with your ex boyfriend.
Tips On how to get my ex boyfriend back this instant
1. Never Blame Your Ex Boyfriend -This might even push him further away. Even if he did something wrong that hurt you, Never blame him because what you want right now is to win him back in stead of blaming your ex boyfriend. Blaming him can also make him ignore you because you are putting all the blame on him. It can also cause guilty in some cases. This is someone that you care for, So stop blaming him and have a positive attitude during these bad moments that both of you are facing
2. Bring Back Your Best -Ok, How to get my ex boyfriend back this instant best advice for you today is to bring back the best of you. Women who have been heart broken forget that bringing back their best into an ended relationship is one of the ways to mend it and get it back. Don't always be moody and mean to your ex boyfriend. As always treat him like a man, Respect him and shower him with your good qualities. Bringing your best side into a break up can make your ex boyfriend to see what he is missing.
3. Don't Stay Still For Him -Sometimes is hard to get over a break up. In certain situations, You may find yourself trying everything while holding still for your ex boyfriend to come back. This is putting your life on hold. You should never do this, Show him that you have moved on and just do so. This is also a good way to get over a break up fast.
4. Make some changes -How to get back with your ex boyfriend is always about making some changes in your life. Make some positive changes so that be can see that you are a better person now. I am not saying that you are bad or anything like that. Just look at the past and see if there are some major things you can change about yourself in order to be a better person for your relationship. If there is anything that you might have changed, It is never late, You can still make changes.
5. How to get back with your ex boyfriend is all about staying on the positive side and avoiding the negative side. For example, In stead of arguing and trying to reason with him, Be kind and be his good listener. If he brings an argument, Try to avoid it. It is healthy to argue in a relationship but it is unhealthy to argue with an ex. Arguments can make your ex boyfriend confirm and be sure of the break up.
How to get back with your ex boyfriend advise you have learned here need to be applied with no pride and with confidence. Check the link below for resources and helpful tips on how to get my ex boyfriend back this instant.
Tips On how to get my ex boyfriend back this instant
1. Never Blame Your Ex Boyfriend -This might even push him further away. Even if he did something wrong that hurt you, Never blame him because what you want right now is to win him back in stead of blaming your ex boyfriend. Blaming him can also make him ignore you because you are putting all the blame on him. It can also cause guilty in some cases. This is someone that you care for, So stop blaming him and have a positive attitude during these bad moments that both of you are facing
2. Bring Back Your Best -Ok, How to get my ex boyfriend back this instant best advice for you today is to bring back the best of you. Women who have been heart broken forget that bringing back their best into an ended relationship is one of the ways to mend it and get it back. Don't always be moody and mean to your ex boyfriend. As always treat him like a man, Respect him and shower him with your good qualities. Bringing your best side into a break up can make your ex boyfriend to see what he is missing.
3. Don't Stay Still For Him -Sometimes is hard to get over a break up. In certain situations, You may find yourself trying everything while holding still for your ex boyfriend to come back. This is putting your life on hold. You should never do this, Show him that you have moved on and just do so. This is also a good way to get over a break up fast.
4. Make some changes -How to get back with your ex boyfriend is always about making some changes in your life. Make some positive changes so that be can see that you are a better person now. I am not saying that you are bad or anything like that. Just look at the past and see if there are some major things you can change about yourself in order to be a better person for your relationship. If there is anything that you might have changed, It is never late, You can still make changes.
5. How to get back with your ex boyfriend is all about staying on the positive side and avoiding the negative side. For example, In stead of arguing and trying to reason with him, Be kind and be his good listener. If he brings an argument, Try to avoid it. It is healthy to argue in a relationship but it is unhealthy to argue with an ex. Arguments can make your ex boyfriend confirm and be sure of the break up.
How to get back with your ex boyfriend advise you have learned here need to be applied with no pride and with confidence. Check the link below for resources and helpful tips on how to get my ex boyfriend back this instant.
Jealousy Destroying Your Relationship
Jealousy is a common problem that couples present when they go to counseling. When one partner chooses jealous behaviors, the dynamics of the relationship change. They are no longer a couple in an Adult Relationship.
Now they are caught in a cycle of Investigator and Suspect. The Investigator spends an enormous amount of energy checking up on the Suspect, who may or may not be doing anything reprehensible. The Suspect spends time defending and explaining his/her behaviors. They are locked in a pattern which will destroy their relationship and they usually don’t what to do.
Both partners are miserable playing this game. The game is all about Control. "If I don’t check up on her, she'll make me look stupid" or "He'll make a fool of me." People who choose jealous behaviors may not realize that their behavior looks pretty silly or even crazy. Their partner didn't "make" them look stupid.
I was actually told by several women that "all men cheat." If this is your belief, you are probably an Investigator. Problem is: you have to sleep sometime. You can’t chain yourself to your partner. You have decided that you alone are capable of controlling your partner’s behavior. What’s more, you've decided it's your Job as his partner to keep him from cheating on you.
What a way to live your life, spending your time spying on each other! Trust is a decision. It’s not based on how the other person acts. If you choose to stay with a partner who is not trustworthy, you are doing so with your eyes open. If you are choosing jealousy without cause, you are doing so to control your partner.
The very things you do to control your partner are the things that will drive your partner away. Are you ready to try something different?
Keep in mind that jealous behavior is a choice you are making. It starts with your thoughts: I wonder where he is. She’s probably with someone right now. Why didn't he call me when he said he would? Why is she wearing that dress? Who was that woman who called him?
These thoughts lead to your behaviors, such as calling excessively (read, more than twice during work hours), listening in on phone conversations, checking phone lists and emails, interrogating your partner, and many other destructive behaviors.
You begin to feel awful after imagining all of the things your partner is doing (these are thoughts; you can change them). You can also change your behaviors if you choose to. If jealously is destroying your relationship, there is hope if you are willing to do the work.
First, if you're with someone who is trustworthy, you can change the thoughts that are plaguing you. Whenever you get those thoughts that start your heart racing, ask yourself the following questions:
What evidence is there that my thought is true?What evidence is there that my thought is false?What would someone else say about this thought?What other explanation could there be?
After you answer these questions, decide what new course of action you will take based on this exercise. Repeat this as often as needed. Hopefully, you will soon find yourself feeling calmer and less ready to play the Investigator and Suspect game.
Now they are caught in a cycle of Investigator and Suspect. The Investigator spends an enormous amount of energy checking up on the Suspect, who may or may not be doing anything reprehensible. The Suspect spends time defending and explaining his/her behaviors. They are locked in a pattern which will destroy their relationship and they usually don’t what to do.
Both partners are miserable playing this game. The game is all about Control. "If I don’t check up on her, she'll make me look stupid" or "He'll make a fool of me." People who choose jealous behaviors may not realize that their behavior looks pretty silly or even crazy. Their partner didn't "make" them look stupid.
I was actually told by several women that "all men cheat." If this is your belief, you are probably an Investigator. Problem is: you have to sleep sometime. You can’t chain yourself to your partner. You have decided that you alone are capable of controlling your partner’s behavior. What’s more, you've decided it's your Job as his partner to keep him from cheating on you.
What a way to live your life, spending your time spying on each other! Trust is a decision. It’s not based on how the other person acts. If you choose to stay with a partner who is not trustworthy, you are doing so with your eyes open. If you are choosing jealousy without cause, you are doing so to control your partner.
The very things you do to control your partner are the things that will drive your partner away. Are you ready to try something different?
Keep in mind that jealous behavior is a choice you are making. It starts with your thoughts: I wonder where he is. She’s probably with someone right now. Why didn't he call me when he said he would? Why is she wearing that dress? Who was that woman who called him?
These thoughts lead to your behaviors, such as calling excessively (read, more than twice during work hours), listening in on phone conversations, checking phone lists and emails, interrogating your partner, and many other destructive behaviors.
You begin to feel awful after imagining all of the things your partner is doing (these are thoughts; you can change them). You can also change your behaviors if you choose to. If jealously is destroying your relationship, there is hope if you are willing to do the work.
First, if you're with someone who is trustworthy, you can change the thoughts that are plaguing you. Whenever you get those thoughts that start your heart racing, ask yourself the following questions:
What evidence is there that my thought is true?What evidence is there that my thought is false?What would someone else say about this thought?What other explanation could there be?
After you answer these questions, decide what new course of action you will take based on this exercise. Repeat this as often as needed. Hopefully, you will soon find yourself feeling calmer and less ready to play the Investigator and Suspect game.
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