Can you live a fun marriage too?

Often in our Coaching Practice we hear both wives and husbands saying things like: “I do still love my spouse, but feel that our life is like being trapped” or “I lost my freedom when entering my relation” or even things like: “…our life is not bad but boring…”
The truth is that there are many things that we could do in order to improve our relation with our spouse, and overcoming the feelings that make several marriages in a non-justified way prematurely end.
The key word here is “together”; please take a moment to think about it. How can you make a marriage work and be fun if each one of the spouses is only having fun alone, or worst, with someone else?
In a relationship, it is always worth to continuously ask yourself certain questions:
When was the last time you went out for a romantic dinner, or just hot dogs and a sweet chat? Do you hold hands when at the movies? Can you talk with your partner about something else than money, work and children?
Being romantic has little or nothing to do with expending money; you could make a romantic dinner at home just by adding the touch of candle lights to your everyday meal.
Marriage does not have to be a heavy burden to any of you. You can easily transform it by doing very simple things!!!
Show your affection. This can be done by doing something as simple as holding hands; loving acts of affection bring trust to your couple, they offer the feeling on intimacy and open barriers that were close before. Nonsexual gestures are powerful and show your spouse how much he/she means to you; a small warm kiss on the cheek, rubbing her/his shoulders, making his/hers special dish, etc. and yes, noticing the new hair style counts too !!! Make a habit to show your spouse how much you care.
Let go your emotional baggage. Stop holding your emotions and keeping them inside; try sharing them with your spouse in the best possible way. Many of the couples that come to me for coaching have the same issue: lack of communication. You may have probably heard about this before, but it is truly on top of the agenda on most couples I consult with. Years of keeping inside those small or big uncomfortable feelings, thoughts they never shared for different reasons, attitudes that irritate them but never mentioned, etc... One day they just can not take it anymore and explode over a simple gesture. Why letting things go so far? Learn how to share and how to accept different points of view that make you unique and special. Share your feelings and fears, start talking again about your dreams and goals; again: talking about the kids, bills to pay and fighting does not count. Just a simple occasional talk.
Have fun with your spouse. Recent studies show the importance of making time to have fun together. This is the second major issue between my clients, they just can not find time to have fun together, but when they look a little bit harder... they normally find extra time for them and their spouses just to have fun and relax !!
Sharon Jayson reports in a USA Today article that "research from the University of Denver supports the idea that finding moments to be together free of financial, family or other stresses -- just to have fun together -- is not an indulgence. "The more you invest in fun and friendship and being there for your partner, the happier the relationship will get over time," says Howard Markman, a psychologist who co-directs the university's Center for Marital and Family Studies.
"The correlation between fun and marital happiness is high, and significant ... Thomas Bradbury, who co-directs the Marriage and Family Development Laboratory and Relationship Institute at the University of California-Los Angeles, believes having fun together can become a self-fulfilling prophecy for couples: "People in happy relationships generate these activities, and as they generate these activities, it keeps their relationship strong and healthy and fresh."
Sex should not be seen as a marathon. Many couples still believe that if they do not have sexual intercourse everyday their marriage is in trouble. Are you part of them? Of course sex is an important part of a couple’s life and must not be underestimated, however, there is not such a thing as the 'ideal' amount of sex during the week to have a healthy marriage, it all depends on many factors, even differs between seasons; what is true is that for every couple this works differently. Take the time to enjoy and make your spouse feel loved and not just a to-do on your list of daily errands.
Time alone. - to be back together- Have you ever heard or said the phrase “I need some space” ? It does not have to be taken negatively; it just means that you need time for yourself. As you take time to relax from work, school, kids, etc... You also need time to be with yourself and evaluate things from far. Take it as a positive experience and do not feel guilty about it, it might just give you more energy to devote to your love ones later on. Vanetta Chapman writes in Christianity Today wrote: "One way to avoid that trap of exhaustion is to allow each other some time alone." I am not talking about taking a month vacation! just an occasional time out for some individual activities such as golf, tennis, a drink with a friend, gardening, etc. may do. Then your appreciation of the time you will spend with your partner will certainly increase.
I could go on and on with many different ideas to renew your marriage, my experience working with couples has given me the tools to bring them out from being stuck in a “boring” marriage into flying in their “happy couple”. Take your marriage to the next step; make love a priority and not just a word, if your marriage fails it might bring heavy consequences for you and the rest of your family. You have the power to refresh it, renew it, re-build it !!!