What is Romance

Everyone knows that part of dating is romance, maybe I am easy to please, but I think have known some pretty romantic men in my hay day. I would love to hear about some of your most romantic experiences. Below, I have listed some of my most romantic experiences to help start things off. Please write to me at jp@international-internet-dating.com and tell me about your most romantic date.

I was once flown to Chicago for a first date that included dinner at the Chicago Chop House, and a trip to Navy Pier. I thought that was very romantic.

I was taken to New York for New Years Eve in Time Square. That trip included dinner at indows of the World? which was, of course, before 911. That romantic date will be a special memory that I will always treasure.

I was flown, on a private plane, to Key West for Fantasy Fest. This trip included a stay at the Pier House Resort penthouse, which was incredibly fun, and romantic.

I was treated to a prime rib dinner for two at Bern Steak House in Tampa, Florida, which included a tour of the restaurant. The evening was topped off with a special bottle of wine and desert in their famed desert room.

There are more romantic memories, many more, but the memories have faded over time. There are some memories that will never fade; one in particular. I think that the most romantic thing that anyone has ever done for me was when a particular someone left a CD, that was special to both of us, with a single red rose on my doorstep. The doorbell rang and when I went to answer it I found my special presents laying there, my heart melted, and all the other romantic things that ever came before diminished in comparison.

The most romantic things to me are the little things, things that have a shared meaning, things that are intimate, and personal. Those are the memories that shine the brightest, and I will cherish them forever; maybe I am just easy to please, or just maybe I recognize what truly comes from the heart.

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What to Do When People Don't Like You

Have you been trying hard to make friends with no good results to show for all of your efforts?

If it seems that you have been trying hard to make friends, but that other people still don want to be your friend, you may have come to the conclusion that there something wrong with you. That maybe you are basically unlikeable.

Many of us go through such torment of self doubt, especially during our teenage years, when teens are often the victims of vicious bullying from their peers for no reason at all.

If you feel as if the people you are trying to befriend don like you, the first thing you must do is to ask yourself: Do you have any real evidence that others don like you?

Or are you just imagining the worst because you are always very harsh with yourself?

People who have low self-esteem, or who are suffering from depression, are often convinced that others don like them, even when there is no evidence for their negative belief. People who have a poor self image can be surrounded by others who like them, care about them, and enjoy their company; yet because these people don believe they are worthy of being liked, they are convinced that no one else likes them either.

So, if you are feeling as if nobody likes you, try to find out if there is some real evidence that others don like you, or whether you are just being very negative in your opinion of yourself.

On the other hand, there are times when it not just your imagination that others don like you. It might be really true that most of the people you meet are consistently rejecting you, even when you make social overtures and try to be as friendly to them as possible.

There are many reasons this can happen.

You may have moved to a society where the people are very tight knit with each other, and they don open up to newcomers easily.

You might be surrounded by people who automatically dislike people of your particular religion, ethnic background, sexual orientation, skin color, or bodily appearance.

You may be surrounded by people who reject you because the clothes you wear are not the latest and most expensive fashion.

In high school years in particular, many teens are strongly conformist, and can be very cruel to those who seem to be different from the norm. Sadly, some people never grow out of the stage of judging others for trivial and superficial reasons.

If you are really are being rejected by others, it is important that you don make the situation worse by attacking yourself.

This will only make you feel worse, and will make you lose confidence in approaching new people in the future.

Saying negative things to yourself could start you on a downward spiral of self-doubt and self-hatred. Or you might turn your anger outwards in a spirit of bitterness and revenge towards other people. This is not a solution that will win you friends or peace of mind.

It also important to take a good, hard look at yourself and the way that you interact with other people. There may be specific behaviors that are causing others to dislike you, and these are behaviors which you can change.

Ask yourself the questions on this checklist. If it looks as if any of these behaviors are a problem for you, it very likely that if you change this behavior, that other people will like you better.

1. Are you always very negative and complaining all the time? Most people find this habit very annoying.

2. Do you actively participate in conversations with others? Or do you hold back and let other people do all the work in making conversation. If so, learn to improve your conversational skills so that talking with you is an experience that others look forward to.

3. Do you endlessly talk about yourself and show little interest in the people you are talking with? Other people will become bored with you very quickly if you seem only interested in yourself.

4. Do you try too hard to please others, always agreeing with everything that they say, and never having any opinions of your own? People won respect you if you don respect yourself.

5. Do you often say things that hurt the feelings of others and then say it was just a joke? Do you say mean things behind other people backs? No one will trust you if they think that you are basically an unkind person.

If you want to make other people your friends, it very important that you don give up on trying. Keep approaching people, keep trying to make conversation. Get rid of your bad social habits if they are getting in the way of friendship.

If you are being given the cold shoulder by many of the people you encounter, particularly in your school or workplace, keep looking elsewhere for people you can confide in and befriend. You can try in your church, in your community, and in your own family.

Work on developing the talents and good qualities within yourself so that you can appeal in a new way to other people with whom you will have more in common. Continue to actively search out other people who will like you and accept you.

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Things to Consider Before Beginning a New Romantic Relationship

Beginning a new romantic relationship can add excitement to your life; the kind of thrill you get when you put your nose in the center of a freshly cut rose, taking in the wonderful aroma. Or perhaps opening up a beautifully wrapped package from someone special and getting the ift?youe always wanted.

Amazing sensations go through your whole body. But we must remember not to get caught up in these wonderful feelings and forget that a successful relationship takes some work.

Here are some suggestions when embarking on a new romantic journey:

?Keep it fresh ?Every date, every moment shared together, and every activity you participate in with that special someone should evolve around a fresh and creative idea.

?Leave your baggage at the door ?Your new romantic interest will sure to tire of constantly hearing all the details of your last disastrous relationship. Keep the conversation limited to the wonderful uture?or the antastic?here and now.

?Dress to impress ?Yes ?We know pumps and ties on dates are pass?? But, sweatpants and dirty sneakers are best left for all the omfy?married couples.

?Forgive and Forget ?Forgive him or her if they forget your first month anniversary or that you don like artificial sweetener in your coffee. Expect little and sometimes you get more than you thought possible. Expect too much and we only set ourselves up for disappointment. Forgive their trivial shortcomings and move on. Don forget ?We are only human and therefore make mistakes.


?Some good things must come to an end ?You can expect every new relationship to end in edded bliss? If you truly believe there is someone out there for you, give yourself a break and move on. If the relationship turns stale, in the end it is sometimes in your best interest to head in another direction. Not all broken relationships can be mended; so don go razy?trying to fix every defect in a relationship.


Truly successful romantic relationships are possible. The getting there may be a long road ?but once you are there it can be one of the most rewarding experiences you can have.

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True love is something that can happen.

True love is something that can happen no matter the circumstances of the situation. Whether you are a poor beggar boy chasing after the heart of a princess, a chivalrous and courageous Knight immensely in love with the queen that you've vowed protection to, or whether your families are hated enemies of one another, it is possible for love to take root and blossom. It also could be the simple attraction to what we cannot have, the forbidden. Regardless of the reason, love of these kinds has spawned off wonderful and inspirational stories. Stories about such couples as Aladdin, Sir Lancelot, Romeo and their lovely ladies have all helped to keep the dream alive. It is the dream that love, although forbidden, or seemly impossible, with great sacrifice is achievable.

"I can show you the world shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me princess, when was the last time you let your heart decide?" Aladdin and Jasmine will forever be remembered by their magical carpet ride across the night sky, through the clouds, and over the lighted desert city of Agrabah. This Middle-Eastern based romance is only a cartoon, but it does illustrate clearly the aspect of forbidden love. Aladdin, a poor beggar boy from the streets of Agrabah, wished to prove to everyone that he was much more than what they thought he was, a "street rat." One day, he helped a young girl in the market place and he began to fall in love with her, not realizing her true identity in the beginning. The young girl in actuality is none other than the princess of his kingdom, Princess Jasmine, and fortunately for him she returned his love. Although the princess could only wed a royal suitor, Aladdin believed that someday he would be able to have his princess. As luck would have it, a mysterious old man took him to the incredible Cave of Wonders, in search of a magical lamp. Aladdin used this lamp to free the genie inside. With the help of the genie, Aladdin was able to save his kingdom from impending doom. This act off goodness convinced the Sultan that Aladdin was a worthy suitor for his daughter Jasmine.

King, Queens, and Knights in shining armor are all that a great epic romance needs to be successful. One such story is that of Sir Lancelot and his love affair with the very queen he swore protection to, Queen Guinevere. Guinevere was the beloved queen of King Arthur, the founder of Camelot. As the champion of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere and premiere Knight of Arthur's court, Lancelot was an unstoppable warrior. He almost never met defeat and quickly defeated all comers in or out of armor and regardless of the number of his foes. However, he was defeated, but only by the power of love. He was unable to control his love for the queen of Camelot and she returned his love, making it harder for either of them to deny it. They felt this love so strongly for each other they were willing to destroy all that King Arthur had worked for during his entire life, just so they could be together. Lancelot was Arthur's best friend and most trusted knight, and Guinevere was his wife and his queen, yet they continued their relationship together. Camelot fell, as they knew it would, and feeling the guilt of it, Guinevere and Lancelot decided they must separate. Lancelot became a monk and lived as a penitent until his death, and Guinevere did nearly the same. She went to a nunnery spending the rest of her life in repentance and serving God, hoping for forgiveness for what she and Lancelot had done. An unfortunate end to such a romance, but a tragedy such as this immortalizes the tale for all of history and the days that precede it.

"Oh Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love and I'll no longer be a Capulet. `Tis only thy name that is my enemy. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet must be the most famous romantic couple of all time. Their love was forbidden by social status. Their families did more than not approve of their love for each other; the Montagues and the Capulets were archenemies. Even though centuries of hate ran through their blood, the love of their hearts cleansed the hatred with every beat. It is sad their lives would not last as long as their love. Romeo, hearing that Juliet was dead, went to see for himself and he found it to be true. He soon killed himself beside her body, not wanting to live another moment on this earth without his beloved Juliet. After he died Juliet awoke from her induced comatose-like sleep to find Romeo committed suicide because he thought she was really dead. Juliet, overwhelmed with remorse for causing the death of her lover, killed herself as well. Both Romeo and Juliet choose not to live life without the other.

These tales are only a few examples of forbidden love. It is not that clear whether any of these stories are fiction or non-fiction, but one thing is for certain, many people experience forbidden love like this. Love finds a way and with that thought, cannot be erased by laws or rules. It is the fabric that never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the waters of grief. Love is the power that motivates hope, and hope is what makes us live today as if tomorrow were yesterday. Aladdin and Jasmine, Sir Lancelot and Lady Guinevere, and Romeo and Juliet all saw this and chased their love and proved that even the most forbidden of loves is possible as long as they are willing to sacrifice.

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Top Ten List Of What To Do And What Not To Do In Relationships

Most of us who have been intimately involved with someone beyond the infatuation stage know that relationships are like a rollercoaster ride. When things are good, they are very, very good. When things are bad, they are very, very bad. As a relationship coach, I have developed Top 10 Lists---one for men and one for women on 10 things to do and not to do in relationships.

MEN

DO

1. Just listen to your partner without offering advice.
2. Trust and respect her.
3. Treat her as an equal partner in your relationship.
4. Stay and support her when she gets emotional. She is looking for understanding, not solutions.
5. Continue your courtship even after she committed to you. Continue to create romance in your relationship.
6. Do little things on a regular basis. A woman doesn care if you call her at work to say,  love you?or if you buy a new TV for the living room. The small things are worth just as much as the big ones.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with her.
8. Encourage her goals and direction.
9. Find out what your partner would like to do and then do it with her.
10. Say,  sorry?when youe done something you regret or that was hurtful to your partner, whether intentionally or unintentionally.

DON

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Try to offer advice or solutions when your partner just needs you to listen to her without comment.
3. Pretend to listen to her when you really aren.
4. Shut your partner out when you need to sort things out in your head. Just explain you need space, you aren angry with your partner and that youl be back.
5. Criticize your partner, especially her appearance.
6. Yell at your partner as if you were her father.
7. Take every word she says literally. Women, when upset, tend to speak in absolutes, such as ou NEVER listen to me;?when what she really means is that you aren listening to her at that time.
8. Allow jealousy to erode the trust, love and respect of your relationship.
9. Violate her privacy.
10. Forget special occasions.

Men and women have different communication styles, different needs and desires, and different relationship challenges. Learning these differences can assist us in strengthening the relationships we have now and in the future. John Gray began this revolutionary discovery in his book, Men are from Mars; Women are from Venus. The Women List follows:

WOMEN

DO

1. When you want more quality time with your man, make the time you do have as positive as possible.
2. Trust and respect him.
3. Stop nagging.
4. Allow your partner time away from you without giving him the third degree.
5. Appreciate the little things he does for you and tell him so.
6. Make love creatively and often. Don be afraid to initiate lovemaking.
7. Honor any agreements you have made with him.
8. Support his goals and direction.
9. Ask for what you want! (Believe it or not, no matter how much he loves you, he really can read your mind.)
10. Accept his o?gracefully, trusting that he would if he could.

DON

1. Go to bed angry with your partner.
2. Insist he always share his feelings with you. Talking about feelings is more what women need.
3. Attempt to converse with your partner during a good movie or sporting event.
4. Continue to ive?in what you perceive is a lopsided relationship when you are at a point of resentment.
5. Criticize him or put him down, especially the things he does.
6. Scold your partner as if he were a child.
7. Use sex as a prize for good behavior or the withholding of sex as punishment for ad?behavior.
8. Compare him to a fictional character in a book, movie or soap drama and find him lacking.
9. Violate his privacy.
10. Try to change him. Appreciate the man he is right now.

There is so much to learn about satisfying relationships that your parents never showed you. Please don become one of the statistics of divorce or perhaps worse, stay in a miserable relationship to honor your marriage vows while having so many regrets about your life as the time ticks away.

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Trust Starts with You

 have a hard time trusting people.?
 never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife).?
It is very common for me, in my work as a counselor, to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It about you become a trustworthy person with yourself and learning to trust yourself.

BECOMING TRUSTWORTHY WITH YOURSELF

How often do you promise yourself you are going to do something and then don do it? For example, we often promise ourselves to:

* Get the taxes done on time.

* Catch up on email, phone calls, and other correspondence.

* Eat better.

* Drink less alcohol.

* Stop reckless spending, gambling, or whatever puts us in financial distress.

* Stop getting angry.

* Stop giving ourselves up.

* Lose weight.

* Get more exercise.

* Get more sleep (or sleep less).

* Get together with friends.

* Clean up the house, or clean up the clutter.

* Be on time.

* Watch less TV or spend less time on the computer.

* Meditate or pray.

* Take time for ourselves.

* Finish a project.

* And so on?.

If you promise yourself you will do something and then you don do it, you are not being trustworthy with yourself. This would be like promising a child something and then not doing it. Eventually the child would learn not to trust you. The same applies with your Child within. If you promise yourself ?your Inner Child ?that you will take care of yourself in some way and then you don do it, the Inner Child learns that there is no inner adult to trust. Since many of us project onto others our own inner issues, it is likely that if you are not trustworthy with yourself, you will project untrustworthiness onto others. You will continue to distrust others as long as you are not behaving in a trustworthy way with yourself and with others.

TRUSTING YOURSELF

Many of us grew up with parents who did not trust our feelings and perceptions. We might have been told that what we felt and what we experienced was wrong.

Mother: Put on a sweater. It cold outside.


Child: I not cold.


Mother: Youe just a child. What do you know? Put on a sweater.

Mother: Go give your Uncle Sam a kiss.


Child: No, I don like Uncle Sam. He creepy.


Mother: Of course you like Uncle Sam. Now go give him a kiss.

Child: My teacher is really mean to me.


Father: I sure your teacher is very nice. If your teacher is mean to you, it must be your fault.

Child: Daddy, why are you angry at me?


Father: I not angry.

After a while, we learn to discount and mistrust our feelings and perceptions. We learn to give our authority away to our parents and other adults, deciding that others must know more about what we feel, want and perceive than we do. We abandon our inner knowing and stop trusting ourselves.

I have worked with many people who felt deeply betrayed by someone, only to discover in the course of our work together than they had betrayed themselves by not listening to themselves. I often hear statements such as:

 knew when we first met that Frank was lying to me about his money situation, but I didn listen to myself. I believed him instead of believing myself, and now I stuck with all this debt.?
 had a feeling that Katherine was having affairs even before we got married but I didn listen to myself. The last thing I ever wanted was to be divorced with children.?
We can often feel in our bodies what is true and what is untrue, yet many of us don listen to these inner messages. Instead, we put our trust in others and then feel betrayed when others let us down. When we choose to listen to and trust our own inner voice rather than give our power away to others, we will no longer put ourselves in positions to be used and betrayed.

How often have you ignored yourself when something didn feel right, only to later discover that you really did know that something wasn right? How often have you heard the voice of your inner or Higher Self and discounted it, only to regret it later?

Your trust issues with others will be resolved when you become a trustworthy adult with yourself ?following through on what you say you will do, and when you learn to trust your inner knowing. It will be harder for others to get away with unloving acts toward you when you learn to trust yourself.

Copyright: ?2004 by Margaret Paul

This article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

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Who Wants to Live in a Time Bomb

Here are a few reasons why you do not want to move in with a friend and some personal experiences from when I lived with my 2 best friends.

Personal Space and Quiet time:

When living with friends you will not have any privacy or quiet time, and the closer the friends you are the worse it will be. You may not realize it now but you are not always in the mood to be with your friends sometimes you may want to just sit in your room and relax, and if a friend called you up you could say you were busy but if you live with a friend they will be knocking on the door and bothering you all the time, and good friends will often borrow things of yours without asking you. Where as someone you found online will usually leave you alone when your door is closed except for something important.

My old roommate would always go into my room to borrow my things no matter how much I asked her not to, and every time I asked she would get insulted because it was her so it should be ok with me.

Finances:

The reason why you moved in to an apartment is because you needed help being able to afford your expenses, and someone you don’t know will usually be more responsible with making sure they have the money to bay their half of the bills then a friend will, a friend will ask you to help them out when they are short on cash.

One of my friends would always spend his rent or bill money in online casinos playing blackjack, or in poker rooms online. I like to play some poker online just as much as anyone else but I always made sure to not gamble in an online casino with my rent money. If I was short on money I would not gamble, but I would never allow myself to not have the money to pay my share of the bills.

Cleaning of the Shared Spaces:

In the past roommates I had found in the news paper always made sure that any space we shared like the kitchen or living room was kept clean. If you cooked something any mess was cleaned from the counter and pots, pans and plates would be put in the sink and were taken care of within 12 hours, but friends may take advantage of the slack you will give to a friend, because they know you would be ok with it.

One friend of mine hated anything being left in the sink for any amount of time and if it was left fore more then an hr or 2 she would complain, so me and my other roommate started cleaning the dishes as soon as we were done with them, only to find that she would leave her dishes sometimes for days and when questioned about it she said that her seeing our dishes bothered her but her dishes did not bother her so it was ok for her to leave them.

Power Consumption:

Unless your roommate has lots of money and lets face it if they had cash they would not need a roommate, then they will be looking to save money and not want to waste money on electricity, and once you agree on things like using the dryer or air conditioning two roommates who meet online or from an add in the paper will usually respect the rules better then two friends will. Friends will usually bend the rules, like leaving the computer on all day or running the ac all night.

My friends used to leave their Air conditionings on all day long and would often leave their rooms and even the apartment without turning them off, and instead of being more responsible for their actions they would make up excuses like "oops I forgot".

These are just some of the many reasons you should avoid living with friends, especially if you want to keep them as friends. It is one thing if a friend needs a place to stay for a week or two but never ever let them move in.

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