Apart from The Heart

Distance makes the heart grow fonder, which is especially true for Valentine Day. It is a wonderous thing to be with the one you love. And Saint Valentine was persecuted, endeavouring to maintain a pagan right of choice and the union of loving partnership.

There are innumerable factors why couples may find themselves alone on Valentine Day. Couples for example who are in a long distance relationship, an unscheduled business trip popping up, shift work -preventing couples from being together or an unexpected sickness, maybe a family emergency. These are just a few examples of reasons why couples may find themselves apart during Valentine Day.

While it's easy to understand the reasons why you and your partner cannot be together on Valentine Day, it does not make it any easier to accept, does it? Naturally it's not the be all and end all but you could find yourself feeling a little out of sorts and booting the dog - just joking Rover boy!

However, there is hope for those who are spending Valentine Day apart from their sole mates or loved ones. To be sure there are a few ways for making the day a lot more fun (some I won't cover). So, here splashed about are some ways to celebrate Valentine apart - using the most common situations of why partners are absent.

First up are couples who are in a long distance relationship. For these campers, they're probably already used to spending important days such as Valentine Day, anniversaries and other holidays apart, so not a problem really. Nevertheless, there are ways this couple can still spice up their celebration of Valentine Day together. Let see... both renting the same movie is a cute idea, with the mobile to hand they can "virtually speaking" watch the movie together. We won't talk about the phone bill here, can't be too cheap skate - anyway these days the special family tariffs give unlimited connections for peanuts so it's possible the couple can chat away on their cell phones ad infinitum, all the while they're watching the movie together. Also ordering in the same type of food, such as pizza or Chinese, may give the evening even more of a familiar spin - a feeling of togetherness for a little while.

Next let dip into the unfortunates who find them selves spending Valentine Day apart due to an unexpected business trip. Mmm?not great, particularly difficult since the couple is not used to being apart on important days and most likely don't have a great deal of time to prepare for spending the holiday apart. Discussion first and foremost about Valentine Day, really as soon as they realize they are going to be spending the holiday apart. Essentially deciding if and when to set a side a time to celebrate: before they separate or after they're back together, snug as a bug in a rug. Of course it's important for the couple to try to at least have some contact on Valentine Day even if it is over the phone, email or web cam. This at least may give a sense of being together; the idea is not to feel too distant or apart.

Having flowers or a special message delivered to your partner while you are separated are oldies but goodies and a great gesture of caring.

Concluding this small applet, there are those who cannot spend Valentine Day together because one or both of them have work which involves odd shifts. This could include doctors, fire-fighters, police officers or a variety of other professions. Individuals in this type of situation have to generally accommodate and adjusted to their odd schedule and make time to be together outside of working hours. In this case the best way to deal with being apart on Valentine Day is to plan on celebrating together when it is more convenient. This may not seem like the most romantic option but sometimes it is important to remember that you love your partner every day of the year and you don have to be together on Valentine Day to prove your love for each other.

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Actions Of Love

Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no actions to meet available men.

In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna rarely took loving action in her own behalf with her friends and family. For example, Jessica, one of Myrna friends, would often get angry and blame Myrna when Myrna was not available for dinner with Jessica. Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica feelings and meet her for dinner even when she was exhausted from work. Myrna would feel drained after these dinners and depressed for a few days after, never realizing it was because she had not taken loving care of herself.

Myrna realized that the reason she was afraid to be in a relationship was because she had no idea how to take care of herself around others. She was terrified of completely losing herself in an important relationship. She realized that if she could not speak up for herself with Jessica, how could she ever speak up and take loving action for herself with a man she was in love with? She realized that she would continue to feel lonely, anxious, inadequate and depressed until she learned to take loving action for herself.

Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, stress, and anger as well as from feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. The major cause of these feelings is a lack of loving action in their own behalf.

Loving actions fall into two categories: Loving actions for yourself and loving actions in relationship to others.

LOVING ACTIONS FOR YOURSELF

Loving actions for yourself are those actions that attend to your own needs. When you take loving action in your own behalf, you are letting yourself know that you matter, you are important, you count. When you fail to take loving action, you give yourself the message that you are not important, which leads to feelings of depression and inadequacy.

Loving actions for yourself might include:

* Eating nutritious foods, avoiding junk food and sugar, eating when hungry and stopping when full.
* Getting enough exercise.
* Keeping your work and home environments clean and organized.
* Getting enough sleep.
* Creating a balance between work and play. Making sure you have time to get your work done, as well as time to do nothing, reflect, learn, play and create.
* Creating a good support system of people who love and care about you.
* Being organized with your time, getting places on time, paying bills on time, and so on.
* Choosing to be compassionate with yourself rather than judgmental toward yourself.
* Creating a balance between time for yourself and time with others.
* Making sure you are physically safe by wearing a seat belt in a car, a helmet on a motorcycle, scooter, or bike, goggles when necessary, and so on.

LOVING ACTIONS IN RELATIONSHIP TO OTHERS

Loving actions in relationship to others might include:

* Being kind and compassionate toward others without compromising your own integrity or ignoring your own needs and feelings.
* Saying no when you mean no and yes when you mean yes, rather than giving yourself up and going along with something you don want to do, or automatically resisting what another wants from you.
* Taking care of your own needs instead of trying to change and control others. Accepting your lack of control over others and either accepting them as they are or not being around them.
* Speaking your truth about what is acceptable to you and what is unacceptable and then taking action for yourself based on your truth.
* Taking personal responsibility for your own feelings and needs, instead of being a victim and making others responsible for your feelings and needs.
* Creating a balance between giving and receiving, rather than a one-way street with another person.

As a result of learning to take better care of herself alone and with others, Myrna no longer felt depressed and inadequate. She gradually lost her fears of being in a relationship, and is delighted to be meeting available men.

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Are You Lovable?

This looks like an awkward question. We will confess that he/she is not lovable? But the truth is that many of us are not lovable at all. Can you imagine of a small kid? A kid is always lovable. Why? If we can answer that question, we will solve the puzzle about whether we are lovable or not.

A kid is innocent. Knows nothing and is totally defenseless. You love a kid, because he/ she wants you to protect him/her. You love a kid because of innocence. You love the kid because of the smiling face. You love the kid because the kid has no malice towards anyone. Does not desire any thing bad for any one. Recognizes no enemies and has faith in everyone. The kid is totally free of all negative emotions. That is why we all love a kid.

How many of us are like that? How many of us keep a smile on our face forever? How many of us are free of negative emotions? Not many. Agreed that we are grown ups and can not be like a kid. But surely we can borrow some good qualities from the kid. How about forgiving everyone? How about not getting angry at all? How about having faith in everyone unless proven otherwise? How about loving everyone? How about becoming non judgmental?

Once we acquire some of these qualities, we will become lovable. Believe me that it is that simple. All of your friends and colleagues will begin liking you more. You will get love from unexpected quarters. You will get your dream darling in a little time, after you transform yourself.

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A Priceless Birthday Gift

Kelly was a very wealthy Hollywood actress, who was used to a posh lifestyle. She lived in a multimillion dollar home in Beverly Hills. She had all sorts of people she paid to do things for her, such as her personal chef, her aerobics trainer, her gardener, her maid and her masseuse. She spared no expense to take care of her wants and needs.

Kelly was a great actress and had been nominated several times for Golden Globes and Academy Awards. She seemed to have everything she wanted.

In spite of losing her mother at a very young age, she had a very loving father and sister. Her Dad ensured that both of his girls got a great education. He also was very supportive of their career moves. Kelly had always wanted to be an actress. Her sister, Sarah, had always wanted to be a scientist.

Sarah drove from where she worked, at Jet Propulsion Laboratory, to her sister home.

It was Kelly birthday and she invited dozens of celebrities, ranging from actors to musicians. Each guest took turns giving Kelly her extravagant gifts, such as gold-plated picture frames, modern expensive artwork and items from Hong Kong. It was time for Sarah, her sister, to give Kelly her birthday present. She handed Kelly a brand new photo album. Kelly said jokingly,  photo album, Sarah? Do you know how many photo albums I have? I don have enough pictures to fill all my photo albums.?
Sarah knew her sister sarcastic humor and took the comment in stride. She finally said, pen the album, sister.?ut-?PEN the album, Kelly,?Sarah said with conviction.

Kelly opened the photo album. There were many photos of an attractive woman and a handsome man in their mid-thirties next to two girls. Both girls appeared to be less than ten years old.

Kelly mouth slowly started to open rather widely as if she had been transformed on the spot. She began to weep as tears of love ran down her face. She stared at the first page of pictures for several minutes. She finally said softly, t Mom.?She couldn say anything more for another few minutes as she turned the page. The room was silent. The next page contained pictures of her mother, father, Sarah and her at the Grand Canyon. ur last trip together,?Kelly said even more softly. She couldn hold back the running tears, which were now like Niagara Falls. The people in the room started to cry as well. Most of them knew that Kelly lost her mother at a very young age.

here did you get these??Kelly asked Sarah. hese are absolutely priceless.?ad found them in the attic. I had the same reaction as you. I had a photoshop restore many of the pictures and make several copies. I had to make an album for you and me. It the least I could do for Mom,?exclaimed Sarah. o you remember the hike along the Colorado River??Kelly asked Sarah. he was so mad when we jumped in the river.?Both sisters hugged each other. Sarah was now crying as much as Kelly. Both sisters?tears were tears of embrace and loyalty. They both adored one another.

After about an hour of reminiscing with each other and the guests who surrounded them, Kelly said, arah, this is the greatest birthday present anyone could ever give me. Thank you.?

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7 Ways To Improve Your Relationship

Good relationships don just happen. Ie heard many of my clients state that, f I have to work at it, then it not the right relationship.?This is not a true statement, any more than it true that you don have to work at good physical health through exercise, eating well, and stress reduction.

Ie discovered, in the 35 years that Ie been counseling couples, 7 choices you can make that will not only improve your relationship, but can turn a failing relationship into a successful one.

TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF

This is the most important choice you can make to improve your relationship. This means that you learn how to take responsibility for your own feelings and needs. This means that instead of trying to get your partner to make you feel happy and secure, you learn how to do this for yourself through your own thoughts and actions. This means learning to treat yourself with kindness, caring, compassion, and acceptance instead of self-judgment. Self-judgment will always make you feel unhappy and insecure, no matter how wonderfully your partner is treating you.

For example, instead of getting angry at your partner for your feelings of abandonment when he or she is late, preoccupied and not listening to you, not turned on sexually, and so on, you would explore your own feelings of abandonment and discover how you might be abandoning yourself.

When you learn how to take full, 100% responsibility for yourself, then you stop blaming your partner for your upsets. Since blaming one partner for one own unhappiness is the number one cause of relationship problems, learning how to take loving care of yourself is vital to a good relationship.

KINDNESS, COMPASSION, ACCEPTANCE

Treat others the way you want to be treated. This is the essence of a truly spiritual life. We all yearn to be treated lovingly ?with kindness, compassion, understanding, and acceptance. We need to treat ourselves this way, and we need to treat our partner and others this way. Relationships flourish when both people treat each other with kindness. While there are no guarantees, often treating another with kindness brings kindness in return. If your partner is consistently angry, judgmental, uncaring and unkind, then you need to focus on what would be loving to yourself rather than reverting to anger, blame, judgment, withdrawal, resistance, or compliance. Kindness to others does not mean sacrificing yourself. Always remember that taking responsibility for yourself rather than blaming others is the most important thing you can do. If you are consistently kind to yourself and your partner, and your partner is consistently angry, blaming, withdrawn and unavailable, then you either have to accept a distant relationship, or you need to leave the relationship. You cannot make your partner change ?you can only change yourself.

LEARNING INSTEAD OF CONTROLLING

When conflict occurs, you always have two choices regarding how to handle the conflict: you can open to learning about yourself and your partner and discover the deeper issues of the conflict, or you can try to win, or at least not lose, through some form of controlling behavior. Wee all learning many overt and subtle ways of trying to control others into behaving the way we want: anger, blame, judgment, niceness, compliance, caretaking, resistance, withdrawal of love, explaining, teaching, defending, lying, denying, and so on. All the ways we try to control create even more conflict. Remembering to learn instead of control is a vital part of improving your relationship.

For example, most people have two major fears that become activated in relationships: the fear of abandonment ?of losing the other - and the fear of engulfment ?of losing oneself. When these fears get activated, most people immediately protect themselves against these fears with their controlling behavior. But if you chose to learn about your fears instead of attempt to control your partner, your fear would eventually heal. This is how we grow emotionally and spiritually ?by learning instead of controlling.

CREATE DATE TIMES

When people first fall in love, they make time for each other. Then, especially after getting married, they get busy. Relationships need time to thrive. It is vitally important to set aside specific times to be together ?to talk, play, make love. Intimacy cannot be maintained without time together.

GRATITUDE INSTEAD OF COMPLAINTS

Positive energy flows between two people when there is an ttitude of gratitude.?Constant complaints creates a heavy, negative energy, which is not fun to be around. Practice being grateful for what you have rather than focusing on what you don have. Complaints create stress, while gratitude creates inner peace, so gratitude creates not only emotional and relationship health, but physical health as well.

FUN AND PLAY

We all know that ork without play makes Jack a dull boy.?Work without play makes for dull relationships as well. Relationships flourish when people laugh together, play together, and when humor is a part of everyday life. Stop taking everything so seriously and learn to see the funny side of life. Intimacy flourishes when there is lightness of being, not when everything is heavy.

SERVICE

A wonderful way of creating intimacy is to do service projects together. Giving to others fills the heart and creates deep satisfaction in the soul. Doing service moves you out of yourself and your own problems and supports a broader, more spiritual view of life.

If you and your partner agree to these 7 choices, you will be amazed at the improvement in your relationship!

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Are You Getting Cheated - Try This Quiz

So you think that your partner might be cheating you? Why do you think that? Why not try this small quiz and find out the truth? A quiz is always very helpful in finding the truth. The quiz questions are simple such as- Does your partner not love you? Does he/she not share the expenses? Do they look at others and try to give flirting signs even if they are with you? Are they keeping relations with their ex even now? Or is it just a felling that you are being cheated either physically or emotionally? Let us take this quiz and find the truth.

Quiz sixth sense-

Many times, the feeling that we are being cheated is itself an evidence of something going wrong. Our sixth sense tells us that. Our conscious mind may fail to take the hints but the subconscious will do. So while taking this quiz don ignore the inner signals.

Quiz cheating patterns-

Did you find your partner talking to somebody on phone and then disconnect the phone as soon as they saw you? Is your partner wary of sharing the mail password with you? Are you finding that their cell phone bills are more than normal? Do they go out without informing you and make some excuse when you ask? Are any outside business trips involved? What about late work at the office? Or unscheduled work related meetings? Do they look at you eye to eye while talking? Or avoid talking and walk around while talking? Do you hear telephone bell and when you pick up the phone, line goes dead?

Quiz and get the truth-

These are some of the signs that something might be wrong? Not necessarily cheating. Why not quiz your partner and find the truth? Quizzing point by point will surely tell you the truth.

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10 Common Lies Told by Women

Why are some relationships more honest than others? Why are some couples more truthful with each other while others like to deceive the partner? Nobody deserves to be lied, but there are no doubts that women are telling lies considerably and often. But so men do the same.

If you have trust issues in your relationship, in general, a woman may lie to you. Trust is something that you must build from the beginning of the relationship. Even though, a lot of people say ?white lies'' in order to make others feel better. Some women lie because, as caring creatures they want to spare the feelings of the man they are dating or seeing.

So, here are some common lies told by women that you should know. Someday you might hear them from your partner and it is better to know their real meaning.

1.You're perfect. I love you just the way you are and I wouldn't change a thing about you. Let's be serious; nobody is perfect. At the beginning of a relationship all of them say this because they didn't know you very well but after some time will definitely find something that needs changed. So, if she tells you something like this, don't be too enthusiastic because she finds you perfect just for a couple of days, and after that she will ask you to change.

2.You're right. Every time you are arguing with you're girlfriend usually ends up by telling you that you are right? Maybe this makes you feel proud of you, but you have to know that this is a big lie. She said this just to make you shut up, even if she didn't consider that you're right. She knows that after a while you will see that she was right, and may be waiting for apologize.

3.Nothing is wrong. The most common lie '' I'm fine'' when asked if there is something wrong is the most used by women. You see that she is upset, she is acting strange or doesn't want to talk to you too much and ask her what is the problem she says that everything is fine. They don't want to tell the real truth but they are expecting that men to figure out that something is wrong and those they had a mistake with something.

4.I do love sports honey. Maybe she agrees to stay and watch with you every week at a football game but this doesn't really mean that she like it. She accepts to do this just to show you that she is different from other girls and you have common interest. You may be thinking that you have found the perfect girl for you, because not many of them would like to stay to watch football, but don't be too happy because after a while she might had enough and get angry every time you sit down to watch a game.

5.I like spending time with your friends. At the beginning this is ok, but not too much. Even if they are good friends of you, she would like to spend more time alone with you and not with your friends. If she didn't tell you already this, she will ask you to keep visits from your buddies at minimum and then she might keep pretending she loves them.

6.Your family is adorable, so I like spending time with your family. The truth? Maybe twice a month. Think about it. Do you really think that she likes to spend time with your family where everybody is criticizing her and watch her every move? She agrees to spend time with your family when is necessary but she doesn't do it with much pleasure even if she is pretending in front of you that she likes them.

7.Your bank account doesn't matter. I hope you didn't believe this. We all know that this is definitely a lie. All women want a guy that is financial stable and independent, a guy that can assure her a future with no financial problems. This doesn't mean that you have to be very rich to have a girlfriend, but you have to have some money.

8.It doesn't bother to me if you look after women or go with your boys at strip-clubs. This is too good to be truth. Even she says that this is ok, she will definitely be upset that you want to go. They hate to feel second best to a night out with the guys, and accept this in order to make themselves seem less pathetically needy. If you choose to go, she will make you a lot of comments after, so you better think twice before you go.

9.You are very good in bed. If she choose to speak about this topic without you ask her, you don't have to believe all she says. If she starts to compliment you about your sexual experience it doesn't mean that she really believes that. Often a woman who cares about a man tell him all that she knows he wants to hear just to make him feel good about himself. So think about your girlfriend, your relationship, your sexual experience and see if you really deserve compliments on this topic.

10.Don't worry, it happens to everyone. If you just make a mistake, or fail in bed, you might hear this lie from your girlfriend. She doesn't want to show you how upset she is on you but in her mind thinks something else. I wouldn't be too sure that your mistake is forgiven and I would worry in not making too many '' accidents'' like these.

With all these presented, now will be more easy for you to know when your girlfriend is lying. As you see, what a woman says is not what she really thinks.

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Build a Romance Bridge

Ever run into a brick wall, so to speak, with your mate? Can seem to pass o?without collecting 200 fresh wounds? Well, it time to build a bridge and tear down that brick wall. Here are your tools:

ATTITUDE ?Get an attitude adjustment first. Lighten up and do a 180-degree about face. Read the Sunday comics, grab an old comic book, turn on the Comedy channel, watch funny videos or DVDs. Get in a better mood and pass it along to your mate. Invite your mate to tune in to comedy with you, too.

FRIENDSHIP ?Go back to being friends for starters now that youe in a good mood. Forget the love stuff, if you want. And just focus on being good friends; share compliments, do things for one another, go out and have fun together, enjoy one another company.

RELAX ?Let your hair down. Trust and relax. Be yourself. Don let old wounds open or fester. Forget the garbage memories and just be in the here and now together.

TIME OUT ?If possible, spend extra time together for awhile, like during your original courting days. Hire a sitter, order out, eat at fast food places, grab ice cream cones and go for walks in the park. Get to know each other all over again. That the key. Then youl remember why you fell for each other in the beginning and history will hopefully repeat itself.

COMMUNICATION ?Take it slow and easy. Keep away from subjects that you don agree upon. And slowly re-learn to communicate with each other all over again. If necessary, and it not a crime or shame ?get help. Seek a trusted friend or adviser, a church clergy member or certified professional counselor. No need to go it alone. Find your weak areas and how to over come them and plan for future communication difficulties.

GOALS ?Gradually develop goals together so youl have a direction to head. Write them down in a notebook just for the two of you. And over time, develop them, revise them, cross them off your list. The idea is to HAVE goals together and work towards a common goal.

SCRAP BOOK ?Create a memory album together. Add photos, clippings, menus and anything that reminds you of the ood times.?Then when tough times comes, youl have something to old on to??your bridge to romance.

So don just sit back and sulk. Take short steps to improve your relationships and let life problems magically pass by while you hold on to your relationship.

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5 Ways To Keep Romance Alive ?On A Budget

Just about everyone agrees that a nice dinner and a good bottle of wine at a quiet, intimate restaurant will set the mood for romance, but have you seen the price tag? Not everyone can afford to spend big money on romance ever time, but a bit of creativity can get the same results without breaking the bank.

While most people know about is and hers?items like bathrobes and towels, there are a number of other items that can be enjoyed together as ouples?items. Try getting matching T-shirts with cute sayings on them. Have matching his and hers overnight bags, coffee mugs, bicycles, cell phones, cars, holiday ornaments, tennis rackets, rocking chairs and even matching carved pumpkins on Halloween.

Surprise your partner by making the ordinary a little more special. If he or she is enjoying a good book, remove the bookmark and replace it with a note that says,  bet youl never guess where Ie hidden your bookmark.?If they always turn the TV on when they come home from work, tape a note on the television that says, ouldn you rather turn me on??instead.

Making important memories is one way to be romantic on a budget. Challenge your partner to remember the most romantic kiss that youe seen in a movie. This will lead to some discussion about romantic kisses and should enhance the mood. As a surprise, buy that movie one day and try to recreate that special romantic kiss! Keep it in a special place and re-watch it whenever the mood strikes. If you can agree on the single most romantic kiss, go ahead and create a top five list. This tip works for anything. The top five most romantic songs. The top five most romantic movies. The top five most romantic books. You see the pattern. Make sure to go ahead and buy the books, songs, movies or whatever so you can use them in the future.

If you want to plan the ultimate romantic evening but funds are low or you simply don want to have to leave the house, shut down the electricity and imitate a power outage (it up to you whether or not you tell him or her!). You won have any distractions or heat, so it is up to both of you to keep the other warm and entertain each other.

It hard to find anyone who doesn enjoy an Oreo cookie. Take an Oreo (or generic version of one), scratch the top of the cookie until smooth and then scratch a heart and your initials into the smooth surface. You can also make your own cookies and create personal messages. Another version is to make your own cupcakes and frost them with special messages in red icing. You can also give your spouse a true treat and track down a box of his or her favorite Girl Scout cookie.

These 5 simple ideas are sure to warm up any relationship. Don be afraid to try simple tips and changes to outines?to spice things up without having it cost a fortune!

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A Friend In Need

Here the scenario: Julie, a hardworking secretary, lent money to her good friend Ray; $1300 to be exact. Ray had just moved to a new town and claimed that he needed two new suits: one for an upcoming wedding and one to wear on job interviews. Ray lived in a beautiful penthouse. He had a degree in Computer Science and was accustomed to the finer things in life ?designer labels, frequent travel, and spa week-ends. When Ray told Julie he would repay her and signed a paper promising to do so, Julie didn think anything of it.

A couple of weeks later, Ray tried to hit Julie up for more money; this time to furnish his new home. When she told him that she wouldn be able to help him out this time, he accused her of being cold and hung up the phone on her. Julie suddenly realized that she was being taken advantage of. Her hurt quickly turned to rage. She wanted to know how someone could be so self-serving and inconsiderate. If Julie had been weak enough to lend Ray another several hundred dollars for furniture, how could he sleep at night knowing that she had expenses of her own to look after?

We as women have an innate desire to nurture whenever possible. Many of us have learned the hard way we must always keep our guard up ?spot when we may be being misled or taken advantage of. It is a common belief that a woman who is eager to lend money to a man, suffers from niavity, desperation, or poor self-esteem. But in this case it was a loan not a gift, and a friendship not a romantic relationship.

We all know how risky it is to lend money to a friend of either sex. Some of us decide to give the lendee the benefit of the doubt because we think we know and trust them. Some of us are vigilant enough to take precautions to make the loan legally binding. The bottom line is that we need to stop stereo-typing and pointing fingers at a woman who would lend a man money. We need to take a closer look at the character of anyone who would try to take advantage of a friend generosity.

Along with her respect for him, Julie also lost all compassion for Ray and their so-called friendship deteriorated.? The fact of the matter is that no one can respect a man who fails to respect others. When he performs actions that are self-serving and manipulative, his sincerity, his honour, his integrity, are all called into question.

They say,"It's not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us integrity."

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Are You Satisfied With Your Mate?

My idea of home is everything at the right place. His idea is to litter around as much as possible. I love to read, he prefers to go to movies. I love to party, she prefers a cozy dinner for two. I love what they call junk food and she wants organic vegetarian. And so it goes. Both the partners are so different in every thing, that one wonders how they ever came together. What can one talk about such relationships?

Many of us are involved in such relationships. One of the partner is a genius and the other could barely pass through the exams. How do such relationships develop and how do they survive? Such relationships developed because both loved each other because of the differences. The differences attracted them. They found each other so different to each other that it was something exciting for them. They loved each other for these differences and so they came to enjoy life as if it was some exciting trip to unknown destinations.

What is the future of such relationships? It is difficult to say. If the love and care that brought them together still remains, they will tolerate everything else. Doesn't a mother do everything for her toddler? That is because of love and care. So if the love remains, everything can be taken care of. If they are still very much caring for each other and get no thought of a break-up, nothing can break them. But if the love dwindles, the complaints will rise. The complaints will finish the remaining love and the relationship is doomed.

If you ask some one if he/she is satisfied with their mate, the answer will tell you about the love between them. Because even if their habits are very much similar and the love is lost, they will find imaginary complaints. Satisfaction with ones mate depends on one factor - love and care. If both care for each other and love each other, they will be satisfied despite thousand differences or similarities. Otherwise they will be dissatisfied under every circumstance.

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What to do if she just needs a break

Long Term Relationships are very difficult to sustain. After some time appear a lot of misunderstandings, argues and problems which are inevitable because that's life. There are couples which know how to get over these problems and their relationship continues, but many of them fail. But there are also other reasons why a couple break down as because there is no love anymore, they can't understand anymore or just that one of them is bored in this relationship. Although, what happens if she say that she still loves you but she needs a break?

Let's say that a few days ago, your girlfriend of just over two years told you that she needs a break; she still says that she loves you and want you to be together some day, but right now she needs some space, a break in order to settle her minds. What should you do?

First of all you should try to ask her the reasons, doesn't she likes someone else? Maybe she won't tell you the truth and keep telling you lie in the face, but let her know that by taking this break is the risk of losing you forever. So if she really cares about you she will be a little worried that the game she planed would not go as she wanted. If you have the power, you should confront her and tell her that she is right, you feel too trapped lately and you consider too that is the best for you to have a break, even this is not what you want and your heart is broken.

If a girl asks for a break in relationship you have to give her that; if she still loves you as she said then she will come back to you. If she tells you that she will call you, you've better wait until she decides to do it. So do not try to contact her, to not call her, give her the time she needs. To not try desperately to get her back because she will run of you and then you will never get her back. Leave her alone, be busy and she will be sorry for letting you.

You have to think what may be the reasons why she wants to take a break as opposed to break up. Maybe you haven't been the best boyfriend she ever wanted. Or maybe she is making new friends, venturing on her own, enjoying the single life, having second thoughts about the relationship and she is outgrowing you; she is having fun right now, but having you as a boyfriend may not really fit into her new life.

Another reason why she wants to take a break is that she is not quite ready to let you go, but she wants to be able to meet other guys, without resorting to cheating on you; or she just met a new boy that she likes but she is not sure if she wants to stay with him or you.

What happens if she still calls you, dating sometime, but she doesn't tell you to get back together? The best thing you can do is to show her that you are fine without her, even if your heart is broken; all the girls are the same: when a girl it feels unwanted, is ready to do anything in order to be wanted again; so if she doesn't come running back it means that she didn't care too much.

You have to wait a little after her, but not too much. If she is sure that you love her, she likes this situation: she feels that she still has a boyfriend when she wants too, and also it is free to find someone new. So start letting go of your feelings for her right now and start date with other girls meantime because it is not considerate cheating because right now you are not a couple anymore, you are separated. It is the only way for you to move on with your life and if by some chance the two of you get back together someday, it will be on your terms. So go out with your own friends and have some fun.

When people decided to take a break, what they are really doing is taking time to see if there is somebody more suited for them out there. So you must think better if your girlfriend doesn care about her more than she cares you.

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Tips On How To Handle Abusive Relationships

A Relationship is a very valuable aspect in our life. It must be unique and something to be enjoyed by everyone. We all dream of having a very healthy relationship especially with our friends, family members and loved ones.

It is a relationship wherein we enjoy each others company. We do things together like watching a basketball game or sometimes with the company of some friends. We are honest about our feelings with each other. There is mutual respect and sincerity between the two of us. It means we pay attention to each others opinion or thoughts. Always trying to reach out to each other to strengthen the bonds of the relationship.

On the other hand, to have an unhealthy or abusive relationship is to experience the exact opposite when we are having a healthy relationship.

We usually feel bad about ourselves. We do not verbalize our feelings. We take each other for granted. It could be in the form of hurting the other person verbally, abusing the person physically, emotional abuse and sexual abuse. Sometimes, both of them will be violent or be abusive to each other.

There are situations wherein only one is abusive to the other. Most often, the abusive relationship does not happen immediately only after sometime. That will be the manifestation of the real self of the person you promised to live with.

If we are experiencing an abusive relationship, then how are we to get out from such relationship?

First and foremost, we need to talk to somebody we could trust, like for example our parents, a friend , guardian, counselor, teacher or a doctor. We should relate to them that we are having an unhealthy relationship and what the other person did so as to abuse us.

If we are afraid to tell our parents, then we should approach somebody whom we trust to help us in telling our parents, to the counselor, security of the school, and even the police about the abuse. And we will be able to escape such relationship.

In leaving an abusive relationship, sometimes it is too risky to do so. There is a necessity for us to make a plan for our safety so that everything will be done smoothly. It will surely not be difficult and safer if we will have a plan. These are the tips for our safety plan.

?Do not be ashamed to tell your situation to somebody you trust.

?Mention directly to the person abusing you that you do not want to see him or her in order that they will not be able to touch you. Do it when your guardian or parents are present.

?If you are injured, go for treatment from your doctor or the hospital.

?Record in a diary when the date of abuse happened.

?Contact should be avoided with the person.

?Do not walk alone. Be with your friends.

?In case of emergency, look for a safer place like the police station.

?Always bring your cellphone, phone cards and money.

?In case the person is following you, do not hesitate to call 911.

?Always have the domestic violence hotline numbers.

Most of the times, it would happen that the various abuses we mentioned are done inside our very own home, we feel bad about this kind of situation. In other words, our home can no longer guarantee our safety and security with the other members of the family. Sexual abuse is committed right at the doorstep of our home. Child abuse is also done when a person assigned to take care of the child fails to do so.

There are times when the child is physically hurt out of jealousy. And what ever happens, the parents and health caregivers must be prepared to protect and take care of the child.

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What Do We Get From Relationship Counseling?

Ideally, everyone would like to be in a good relationship. In order to have such a relationship, it is necessary for us to continually develop and maintain it.

It is indeed a lifetime commitment for us. Whatever age bracket we belong to or experience in life our relationship will encounter new and demanding challenges. For us to meet these challenges, we should develop flexible skills and better understanding. And there are different types of relationship. The relationship of a couple is perhaps the most important in our society.

It is the primary relationship in the life of the people. It is the basic unit of society. Some relationships are basically sexual. All relationship that are healthy and good are based on mutual respect and can communicate effectively to each other.

But we cannot deny the fact that there will always be problems in the relationship later on. Now the question is how are we going to solve the problems? And that will be the role of relationship counseling. It will guide us to make the right decision. The role of the counselor is not give the solution but to lead us in the process of decision making. This is in contrast with the role of an adviser wherein he is expected to give a definite decision by the concerned individual.

Relationship counseling will give us new outlook and helpful alternatives. The counseling itself will equip us updated methods and way in order to face life`s challenges. In the counseling process, the couple will be given time to express their needs and fears and later on they will decide wisely whatever ill feelings and misunderstanding. It helps in the removal of hindrances for an intimate relationship. Conflicts are easily resolved by both parties. The skills in communicating are enhanced. Relationships are very much improved. People at present are very effective in communicating their thoughts and ideas. They could respond to situations instead of criticizing and complaining. Differences of ideas and beliefs are discussed instead of destroying the reputation of the other person.

The parties involved in the relationship must be aware of their behavior in order to know how the relationship is affected. Let us remember that the main concern of relationship counseling is about the relationship. Relationship is actually is put to the test most of the time. We have a wounded relationship. That is the reason why relationship is taken as a patient to be cured and fixed. Relationship counseling is centered on how both parties answer the different issues they are supposed to face. There are some of them who do not respond, while others respond effectively. The good of the relationship is the primary concern for some people, while others do not bother.

If we are going to undergo relationship counseling, then what are some of the things we could learn as and individual and a couple? We could mention a lot of them.

As an individual

?We will be able to discover a healthy relationship.
?Improvement of one relationship.
?We will be able to know what is needed in a relationship.
?Knowing the obstacles of being close and committed.
?Be able to make the relationship full of life, healthy and more fun.

As a couple

?Acquire a relationship that is full of love and fulfillment.
?Be able to discuss the reasons why we have relationship problems
?Able to end conflicts in a healthy manner.
?Able to resolve issues in relation to commitment.
?To have more intimacy and enjoyment in the relationship

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Why Lovers Hurt Their Beloved Most?

A lover, who claims to love, can never hurt his/her beloved. Love demands that you care utmost for your beloved. You are concerned about their feelings. You make them as comfortable as possible. You keep them as happy as possible. You help them fulfill their dreams. You encourage them during tough times and you are always there for them. If you don't do this, there will be nothing called as love. The definition of love includes the qualities I mentioned.

This does happen. In many relationships it happens all through the life. Such couples need not worry to know about heaven. Their home is heaven. But in some relationships, if a lover wishes to break away for any reason including feelings of being treated unjust, the results will be harrowing.

Let us look at what will happen. As the lover who wishes to break away remembers all the investments she/he did for the love, she will feel that all has gone waste. All my sacrifices are in vain. I did so much for many years, and now what is the result? This frustration and anger is directed towards the partner. At that time the lover who is breaking away forgets that worse will happen to one she /he will be leaving. Only selfish thoughts occupy the mind.

This is the tragedy of such love. The one who is left behind might have made more sacrifices and given a lot more for love. He/she gets bewildered at why this break up is happening? It is like a sudden earthquake. That is why I asked, that if you love someone why hurt?

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What is romance?

Romance word always refers to love between a boy and a girl. Love word can mean affection between a boy and a girl and also refer to many other relationships. A mother always loves her children. One does not use the word Romance for that. What is Romance? Why do people feel romantic love for opposite sex?

Is it purely biological to carry forward the specie? Then how are we different than other animals? People die for each other in romance? Why? People feel shattered if a breakup occurs? Why? Why write poems and notes on romance? So, romance has something more to do than pure biological need.

I would say that romance is a feeling of deep attachment and affection that goes beyond all known human bonds. Romance can not be easily defined but only experienced. One who has never felt romantic will never understand about romantic feelings. Lucky are those who fall in romantic love.

In romantic love, a person feels inspired. In love nothing looks impossible. Love motivates one to great heights. To please one's romantic love, a lover can do anything. Some romantic lovers don't even care for their life in love. One wants to look good in one's lover's eyes and wants to win the love for ever. That motivates the romantic lovers.

Romance is an emotion of the heart, and it gives a new outlook to life. It makes one feel good. It makes one feel in heaven. a person in romance needs nothing more than his/her beloved. That is romance! When you look at the clouds flying across the sky, when you enjoy the setting sun, when you marvel at the beauty of the snow topped mountain peaks, you feel that no sight can better these beautiful scenes. Take a look at the faces of a pair in deep romantic love with each other and you will say - I was wrong. Romance is beautiful!

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You Love Them Because They're Funny!

For years I heard woman after woman say after obviously falling in love, "He's so funny! I just love that about him."

Often after someone has lost a family member, they'll say "I'll always remember her smile, the way she laughed, the little jokes she would tell to lighten the mood."

Could it be we love people who have a great sense of humor? I've always thought so. And now we have scientific proof of what many of us long suspected. Humor is one of the things we enjoy most about life and, frequently, the people we love are the ones who make us smile.

Fortunately for those of us who probably aren't that funny, humor is most often in the eye of the beholder. The guys at work may not laugh at your wise cracks, but if SHE laughs, well that's all that matters.

For a long time, nobody in the scientific world knew much about humor. But during the past 20 years, more and more research has been done. We know what parts of our brains deal with humor. We also know when a baby starts to develop a sense of humor.

So don't hesitate. Let your funny bone show through!

* When you think something is funny, don't be afraid to let it out. Just think first if your remark might be taken the wrong way by those in earshot. Humor is great -- foot-in-mouth is less great.

* Use humor to ease uncomfortable situations. When the mood starts to get tense, an appropriate chuckle and humorous side remark can get everyone back on track.

* If you're not naturally funny, read cartoons, joke books, the laugh lines at the back of Reader's Digest, and pay attention to how script writers set up funny situations on TV. You CAN learn to be more humorous than you are. Pay attention to humor and your sense of humor will develop.

Above all else, be someone who APPRECIATES humor. Try not to make someone feel bad when you don't find their attempt at humor to be all that funny. As long as the humor isn't in grossly poor taste, give your humorist a smile. And be one who isn't afraid to chortle and guffaw when someone really pushes your funny button. A good laugh can be the best medicine you've had all day.

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Young Love?

Here in the western world we are obsessed with youth. Our media is saturated with images of the young, beautiful and happy selling us products on the back of the promise that we will become like them if we should only buy this face cream or that car or this insurance policy. The fantastic and circular equation this fallacy is based on seems to be that youth=beauty=success=desirability=love=happiness=youth etc. One only has to look at our icons of romance to see the indelible link between youth and romance. In fact, two of our most famous romantic icons, Juliet and Pocahontas (as lauded by Peggy Lee in the classic love song 'Fever') were so young at the time of embarking on their turbulent romances that they would not, today, be considered of legal age. In amongst all this, ne could easily be left with the impression that beyond the age of thirty, all hope for romance is lost.

Happily this is not so! Our senior citizens are getting involved in the dating game in their droves. Actually in all probability they have been doing it for years but the older generation, certainly in Britain, are renowned for their discretion almost to the point of coyness. Luckily for social analysts and writers like myself, a convergence of recent phenomena makes it possible to now gain a much fuller impression of just what our seniors are getting up to!

Recent years have seen an explosion in the number of 'silver surfers', that is to say people of retirement age or above who are web literate to a greater or lesser extent and are making regular use of the Internet. The same period has seen a rapid growth in the online dating industry. The result of these two phenomena is that we can see quite plainly, looking at the figures, that it's definitely not just the young folks who are looking for love online. A recent study carried out by my company revealed over 14,000 active dating site users over the age of 65 compared to an average age group membership of just over 25,000. With numbers like this it's understandable that seniors are regarded as an important demographic by us in the online dating industry and hardly surprising that classes in Internet dating are springing up at places like the Pleasant Hill Senior Centre in Contra Costa, California.

With a population that is increasingly ageing as the baby boom generation reach their 60s and take a greater knowledge and awareness of current and developing technologies into their later years, it can only be expected that this phenomenon will increase. And so it should be! Why should the spring chickens get a monopoly on the joys of spring?

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True love is something that can happen.

True love is something that can happen no matter the circumstances of the situation. Whether you are a poor beggar boy chasing after the heart of a princess, a chivalrous and courageous Knight immensely in love with the queen that you've vowed protection to, or whether your families are hated enemies of one another, it is possible for love to take root and blossom. It also could be the simple attraction to what we cannot have, the forbidden. Regardless of the reason, love of these kinds has spawned off wonderful and inspirational stories. Stories about such couples as Aladdin, Sir Lancelot, Romeo and their lovely ladies have all helped to keep the dream alive. It is the dream that love, although forbidden, or seemly impossible, with great sacrifice is achievable.

"I can show you the world shining, shimmering, splendid. Tell me princess, when was the last time you let your heart decide?" Aladdin and Jasmine will forever be remembered by their magical carpet ride across the night sky, through the clouds, and over the lighted desert city of Agrabah. This Middle-Eastern based romance is only a cartoon, but it does illustrate clearly the aspect of forbidden love. Aladdin, a poor beggar boy from the streets of Agrabah, wished to prove to everyone that he was much more than what they thought he was, a "street rat." One day, he helped a young girl in the market place and he began to fall in love with her, not realizing her true identity in the beginning. The young girl in actuality is none other than the princess of his kingdom, Princess Jasmine, and fortunately for him she returned his love. Although the princess could only wed a royal suitor, Aladdin believed that someday he would be able to have his princess. As luck would have it, a mysterious old man took him to the incredible Cave of Wonders, in search of a magical lamp. Aladdin used this lamp to free the genie inside. With the help of the genie, Aladdin was able to save his kingdom from impending doom. This act off goodness convinced the Sultan that Aladdin was a worthy suitor for his daughter Jasmine.

King, Queens, and Knights in shining armor are all that a great epic romance needs to be successful. One such story is that of Sir Lancelot and his love affair with the very queen he swore protection to, Queen Guinevere. Guinevere was the beloved queen of King Arthur, the founder of Camelot. As the champion of King Arthur and Queen Guinevere and premiere Knight of Arthur's court, Lancelot was an unstoppable warrior. He almost never met defeat and quickly defeated all comers in or out of armor and regardless of the number of his foes. However, he was defeated, but only by the power of love. He was unable to control his love for the queen of Camelot and she returned his love, making it harder for either of them to deny it. They felt this love so strongly for each other they were willing to destroy all that King Arthur had worked for during his entire life, just so they could be together. Lancelot was Arthur's best friend and most trusted knight, and Guinevere was his wife and his queen, yet they continued their relationship together. Camelot fell, as they knew it would, and feeling the guilt of it, Guinevere and Lancelot decided they must separate. Lancelot became a monk and lived as a penitent until his death, and Guinevere did nearly the same. She went to a nunnery spending the rest of her life in repentance and serving God, hoping for forgiveness for what she and Lancelot had done. An unfortunate end to such a romance, but a tragedy such as this immortalizes the tale for all of history and the days that precede it.

"Oh Romeo, Romeo. Wherefore art thou Romeo? Deny thy father and refuse thy name or if thou wilt not, be but sworn my love and I'll no longer be a Capulet. `Tis only thy name that is my enemy. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet." Romeo Montague and Juliet Capulet must be the most famous romantic couple of all time. Their love was forbidden by social status. Their families did more than not approve of their love for each other; the Montagues and the Capulets were archenemies. Even though centuries of hate ran through their blood, the love of their hearts cleansed the hatred with every beat. It is sad their lives would not last as long as their love. Romeo, hearing that Juliet was dead, went to see for himself and he found it to be true. He soon killed himself beside her body, not wanting to live another moment on this earth without his beloved Juliet. After he died Juliet awoke from her induced comatose-like sleep to find Romeo committed suicide because he thought she was really dead. Juliet, overwhelmed with remorse for causing the death of her lover, killed herself as well. Both Romeo and Juliet choose not to live life without the other.

These tales are only a few examples of forbidden love. It is not that clear whether any of these stories are fiction or non-fiction, but one thing is for certain, many people experience forbidden love like this. Love finds a way and with that thought, cannot be erased by laws or rules. It is the fabric that never fades, no matter how often it is washed in the waters of grief. Love is the power that motivates hope, and hope is what makes us live today as if tomorrow were yesterday. Aladdin and Jasmine, Sir Lancelot and Lady Guinevere, and Romeo and Juliet all saw this and chased their love and proved that even the most forbidden of loves is possible as long as they are willing to sacrifice.

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Trust Starts with You

 have a hard time trusting people.?
 never feel like I can trust my husband (or wife).?
It is very common for me, in my work as a counselor, to hear the above statements. Trust issues abound in relationships. However, resolving trust issues is not about getting another person to be trustworthy. It about you become a trustworthy person with yourself and learning to trust yourself.

BECOMING TRUSTWORTHY WITH YOURSELF

How often do you promise yourself you are going to do something and then don do it? For example, we often promise ourselves to:

* Get the taxes done on time.

* Catch up on email, phone calls, and other correspondence.

* Eat better.

* Drink less alcohol.

* Stop reckless spending, gambling, or whatever puts us in financial distress.

* Stop getting angry.

* Stop giving ourselves up.

* Lose weight.

* Get more exercise.

* Get more sleep (or sleep less).

* Get together with friends.

* Clean up the house, or clean up the clutter.

* Be on time.

* Watch less TV or spend less time on the computer.

* Meditate or pray.

* Take time for ourselves.

* Finish a project.

* And so on?.

If you promise yourself you will do something and then you don do it, you are not being trustworthy with yourself. This would be like promising a child something and then not doing it. Eventually the child would learn not to trust you. The same applies with your Child within. If you promise yourself ?your Inner Child ?that you will take care of yourself in some way and then you don do it, the Inner Child learns that there is no inner adult to trust. Since many of us project onto others our own inner issues, it is likely that if you are not trustworthy with yourself, you will project untrustworthiness onto others. You will continue to distrust others as long as you are not behaving in a trustworthy way with yourself and with others.

TRUSTING YOURSELF

Many of us grew up with parents who did not trust our feelings and perceptions. We might have been told that what we felt and what we experienced was wrong.

Mother: Put on a sweater. It cold outside.


Child: I not cold.


Mother: Youe just a child. What do you know? Put on a sweater.

Mother: Go give your Uncle Sam a kiss.


Child: No, I don like Uncle Sam. He creepy.


Mother: Of course you like Uncle Sam. Now go give him a kiss.

Child: My teacher is really mean to me.


Father: I sure your teacher is very nice. If your teacher is mean to you, it must be your fault.

Child: Daddy, why are you angry at me?


Father: I not angry.

After a while, we learn to discount and mistrust our feelings and perceptions. We learn to give our authority away to our parents and other adults, deciding that others must know more about what we feel, want and perceive than we do. We abandon our inner knowing and stop trusting ourselves.

I have worked with many people who felt deeply betrayed by someone, only to discover in the course of our work together than they had betrayed themselves by not listening to themselves. I often hear statements such as:

 knew when we first met that Frank was lying to me about his money situation, but I didn listen to myself. I believed him instead of believing myself, and now I stuck with all this debt.?
 had a feeling that Katherine was having affairs even before we got married but I didn listen to myself. The last thing I ever wanted was to be divorced with children.?
We can often feel in our bodies what is true and what is untrue, yet many of us don listen to these inner messages. Instead, we put our trust in others and then feel betrayed when others let us down. When we choose to listen to and trust our own inner voice rather than give our power away to others, we will no longer put ourselves in positions to be used and betrayed.

How often have you ignored yourself when something didn feel right, only to later discover that you really did know that something wasn right? How often have you heard the voice of your inner or Higher Self and discounted it, only to regret it later?

Your trust issues with others will be resolved when you become a trustworthy adult with yourself ?following through on what you say you will do, and when you learn to trust your inner knowing. It will be harder for others to get away with unloving acts toward you when you learn to trust yourself.

Copyright: ?2004 by Margaret Paul

This article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.

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