Can friends be lovers? Can lovers be friends? Can I still befriend my "Ex"? Those are the questions that my favorite cousin threw me. Interesting questions, but I initially found myself dumbfounded. Probably because my thoughts were focused on family matters and motherhood that questions about friends and lovers are unexpected.
But then after contemplating the question, I can't help but smile. It brings back memories when my hubby and I were just friends and eventually became lovers. Falling in love with each other was really unexpected, but it just happened. It was like magic as we always say. But then, it also brings me back to the time when I was on that stage of uncertainty and fears. I also had that fear of losing a friend or should I say a lover and a friend if the relationship doesn't work.
I'm not an expert in the matters of the heart, but let me share my thoughts and realizations based on my experiences.
'Falling in love' with a friend is all but natural especially when you are in your teens. Of course, the more you associate with a person, the more you feel closer and the more that you long for the friend of yours to be always around. Every little kind act would mean a lot to you. The answer in the question "Can lovers be friends?" is obvious. Of course, you can. But you have to weigh things out first and carefully assess your feeling before moving into that level.
When I was younger, I have had hidden admiration and affection with some of my guy friends. There were even times when I thought I was falling in love with them, but I decided to keep that to myself and pretend that such feeling doesn't exist. Some of them courted me and some just treated me in a special way. Though the feelings are mutual then, I decided to ignore the feeling and remain just friends because I believe it was better that way.
'I would rather not have a boyfriend than to lose a good friend' was my philosophy in life then. For such a long time I lived by that principle. That principle was broken though when I entered into a relationship with my friend, now my husband, Rouel. I was hesitant and was full of doubts about its outcome. There were lots of trials along the way. It was actually like a roller-coaster ride, but our love and trust with each other prevailed.
Others may have a different story and a not-so-happy ending. It doesn't depend on the strength of your love alone though it is very important. There are other factors to be considered such as acceptance, timing, maturity, and fidelity.
Whether lovers can still be friends after the break-up depends a great deal on the cause of the break-up and the level of maturity of both parties. If it was a mutual decision and both of you just realized that you were simply not meant for each other, being friends again is not unlikely. You must also check your motives in befriending your Ex. Granted that you don't have a hidden agenda, you should not expect that you will be as close as before especially when one or both of you found another partner. The fact that you've been lovers will always haunt your present relationships.
There may be downsides in being friends and then lovers when the relationship failed, but I think it is still worth a try if you truly love each other, you're both matured to face all its consequences and you are both unattached. Talking from experience, it's great to have a husband and a friend rolled into one.
Adora C. Ganir
dadbytes.blogspot.com
But then after contemplating the question, I can't help but smile. It brings back memories when my hubby and I were just friends and eventually became lovers. Falling in love with each other was really unexpected, but it just happened. It was like magic as we always say. But then, it also brings me back to the time when I was on that stage of uncertainty and fears. I also had that fear of losing a friend or should I say a lover and a friend if the relationship doesn't work.
I'm not an expert in the matters of the heart, but let me share my thoughts and realizations based on my experiences.
'Falling in love' with a friend is all but natural especially when you are in your teens. Of course, the more you associate with a person, the more you feel closer and the more that you long for the friend of yours to be always around. Every little kind act would mean a lot to you. The answer in the question "Can lovers be friends?" is obvious. Of course, you can. But you have to weigh things out first and carefully assess your feeling before moving into that level.
When I was younger, I have had hidden admiration and affection with some of my guy friends. There were even times when I thought I was falling in love with them, but I decided to keep that to myself and pretend that such feeling doesn't exist. Some of them courted me and some just treated me in a special way. Though the feelings are mutual then, I decided to ignore the feeling and remain just friends because I believe it was better that way.
'I would rather not have a boyfriend than to lose a good friend' was my philosophy in life then. For such a long time I lived by that principle. That principle was broken though when I entered into a relationship with my friend, now my husband, Rouel. I was hesitant and was full of doubts about its outcome. There were lots of trials along the way. It was actually like a roller-coaster ride, but our love and trust with each other prevailed.
Others may have a different story and a not-so-happy ending. It doesn't depend on the strength of your love alone though it is very important. There are other factors to be considered such as acceptance, timing, maturity, and fidelity.
Whether lovers can still be friends after the break-up depends a great deal on the cause of the break-up and the level of maturity of both parties. If it was a mutual decision and both of you just realized that you were simply not meant for each other, being friends again is not unlikely. You must also check your motives in befriending your Ex. Granted that you don't have a hidden agenda, you should not expect that you will be as close as before especially when one or both of you found another partner. The fact that you've been lovers will always haunt your present relationships.
There may be downsides in being friends and then lovers when the relationship failed, but I think it is still worth a try if you truly love each other, you're both matured to face all its consequences and you are both unattached. Talking from experience, it's great to have a husband and a friend rolled into one.
Adora C. Ganir
dadbytes.blogspot.com
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