Sunday, October 19, 2008

Are You Making Your Partner Break Up With You?

Sometimes a break up can catch you by surprise, but it's actually just as bad, if not worse, to be trapped in a relationship where neither person is in love any longer. Are both of you so insistent on being right that you can't give in? If you think your relationship is in trouble but cannot conceive of the inevitable, here are some things you might want to consider trying so you might be able to save it.



#1 Don't put all the blame on your partner.
All too often, we blame our significant others when things are going poorly in a relationship. He doesn't pay attention to what I'm saying. She shuts me out. Why doesn't he do nice things for me? I would do things for her if she did not bother me so much about them. It doesn't help anything when you blame your partner for the things that are going wrong. It just makes them defensive. Begin appreciating your partner for who they are instead of who you want them to be.
#2 Don't be so clingy.
It doesn't make for a healthy relationship when you cling to your partner constantly. Dependency is the cause of a large number of breakups. In a healthy relationship, your partner should want time on their own, and you should be okay with doing some things by yourself. If you are being especially needy and always want your partner around, it should be a clue to you that you need to develop other interests.
#3 How is your communication?
A vital part of any good relationship is good communication. Arguments, sarcastic comments, and snide remarks inhibit communication because they are demeaning and disrespectful. If you would not treat a friend like that, why would you treat a loved one that way?
#4 Stop trying to read your partner's mind.
Do you try to read your partner's mind and project thoughts that might not be true at all? You might think that your partner doesn't care for you just because they didn't immediately come to your rescue. If you keep paying attention to those voices in your head, you will only become more bitter.
#5 Have you been paying attention?
Do you pay attention to the things your partner is involved in? Do you pay attention to what they are saying and try to take it to heart? There are times when we are so insistent that we are right that we can't hear anything else. When you encounter another conflict, do not raise your voice -- instead, listen to your partner. You might hear something that is important, and you might find out that you are not always right.
Even if you do everything listed above, it might not be enough to really change your relationship. If you reach that conclusion, you will have to take time away from the relationship. You can use this chance to get a better look at things and then make a final decision.

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