Even though some breakups seem to come out of the blue, it can be just as painful, or even more so, when you and your partner no longer love one another. Is compromising or budging something neither of you will do because your are both equally bull-headed? If you have that dreaded feeling that a break-up is around the corner, there are several things you can do in order to try to save the relationship.
1. Put an end to the blame game.
The blame often goes to the other partner when the relationship starts to sour. He never pays attention to what I say. She is always so cold towards me. Couldn't he do something nice for me once in a while? I might do more for her if she would just quit nagging me. Blaming the other party only causes defensiveness and does nothing to help the relationship. Begin to accept your partner for who they are instead complaining about who they are not.
2. Lose the neediness.
It is not healthy to always want your partner around to do things. One of the main reasons couples break up is dependency issues. You should understand that personal time away from each other is normal and healthy. If you want to be with your partner all of the time, take the hint -- you need to find some outside interests.
3. Do you communicate?
Communication is the key to a good relationship. When you find that the only way you communicate is through arguments, sarcastic comments, and snide remarks, it's time to stop because you are not communicating, you are merely being demeaning and disrespectful. Why speak to someone you love that way when you would not speak that way to your friends or colleagues?
4. Quit paying mind to false convictions.
Do you imagine negative scenarios related to what your partner is thinking about or doing? Are you listening to those voices in your head that tell you that your partner doesn't care when they do not drop everything the minute you need them? By listening to false beliefs you only poison your view of reality.
5. Do you listen well?
Do you pay attention to and take an interest in your partner's interests? Do you give them a fair chance by listening to their side of any disagreements you have? Sometimes the need to be right causes us to stop listening. When a problem comes up, try to talk in a normal voice and listen to what your partner has to say. You could be missing out on something very important -- and no, you do not always know everything.
There are some relationships that will never change, even if you follow the advice outlined here. If that is the case, then your relationship is really suffering and you probably need some time away from each other. Use this time to achieve clarity about your situation so you can finally make a decision as to what you really want.
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